


Wild Youth

by RollyPratt



Category: Life with Derek
Genre: Multi, S L O W B U R N, and everyone is bisexual, listen it's an ot3 fic, there's also a lot of texting xoxo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2018-11-29 18:33:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11446638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RollyPratt/pseuds/RollyPratt
Summary: "Why would you worry about me?""You’re alone too."





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I'm putting this out here to try it out. This is the culmination of years of hoping the world will catch on to the amazingness that is this OT3. I've got a few chapters written already, and I've planned this whole thing as a three part story, so if you like it, we will be in for a loooooong ride, my friends. Enjoy, kiddies. :)

It’s not that she was disappointed. She wasn’t! It’s just that after eight years together, she’d expected him to pop the question eventually. As in: _much_ earlier. Like, maybe, if she was going wild, during a super romantic dinner at that restaurant she’d been eyeing for months after buying her flowers. Well, he _was_ dressed for the occasion. As it turned out though, Jesse had actually just wanted to celebrate her graduating from pre-med (with honours!).

 

Seriously, she wasn’t disappointed when he didn’t get up from his chair out of the blue to kneel in front of her. And by the time dessert came around, she hadn’t expected to find a ring into her cake. Well, not _actually_. It wasn’t Jesse’s style anyway.

 

So if she wasn’t exactly bouncing around at the end of the night, it didn’t have anything to do with disappointment. She was tired! She’d just spent months killing herself for finals and burying herself in homework while looking up auditions and practicing for shows to work in during the summer. And okay. Maybe she was a little disappointed. But not enough tell Jesse, though. He probably wouldn’t notice if she just didn’t mention it.

 

“You’re unusually quiet,” he said through her rationalizations.

 

 _Damn it_.

 

“I’m just tired,” Casey said.

 

Jesse quirked an eyebrow. “You know how you get whenever we go out. It’s all about the ambiance and décor and how refined the servers are and I can’t shut you up.”

 

Casey rolled her eyes but blushed a little. She wasn’t _that_ bad.

 

“Something’s bugging you,” Jesse continued, a small smile showing on his lips. “I can tell. So spill.”

 

She knew there was no way she could lie her way out of it. Not only was she the world’s worst liar ever, but Jesse had grown to learn how to read her very well and he could _always_ tell when she was lying. But there had to be a way she could go around it?

 

“I just… wasn’t expecting you to spend so much on this dinner, I mean, we both know our budget’s kind of tight this month,” Casey tried to smile, “you didn’t have to do all this.”

 

Jesse wouldn’t have any of it.

 

“You’re worried about money?”

 

“I care about our well being!”

 

“Really?”

 

“Really!”

 

“So you’re not like… disappointed?”

 

Casey froze in her step. Thankfully, they’d arrived at a stop light so it allowed her sudden halt to seem natural.

 

“Disappointed?!” She tried to play dumb. “W-why would I be disappointed?” she sputtered, then huffed, trying to sound like that was the most ridiculous idea she had ever heard.

 

Jesse chuckled.

 

“Listen,” he said softly. “I know you’re waiting for me to propose.” Casey’s eyes grew wide. “And you know I’m thinking about it. I just think there’s a lot going on right now, and I’m not sure I’m totally ready yet.”

 

She didn’t think there was anything she could say to this. Had she been that obvious? It’s not like they had talked about it! She’d never even _said_ any word related in any way to marriage or wedding or proposition around him! After she was quiet for a few seconds, Jesse continued.

 

“You understand, right?”

 

“O-of course!” she managed through her surprise. She tried to shake her head to clear her head. “I would never pressure you into anything you didn’t want to do!”

 

Jesse grinned. “Yeah, you would.”

 

Casey pouted.

 

“It’s okay!” Jesse put his hands up in a reassuring gesture as the light turned green. He started across the street and put his hands back in his pockets. “You know I like that about you. You know what you want and you’re not afraid of letting me know. That’s how a good relationship works.”

 

She couldn’t help but sigh softly. She’d worked hard on taming that part of her personality. She knew that she could be a bit much sometimes and she didn’t want to push Jesse away by being… well, _pushy_. But he always let her know when she was overstepping and it made her feel more confident when he told her that it was okay. Because she knew he truly meant it. She smiled softly. “So what gave me away? I haven’t actually _said_ anything about this.”

 

“You don’t have to outright say it to give me hints that you want something,” Jesse reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulder to pull her close. “It’s like, whenever we go to the grocery store, you always end up picking up the _Bride Today_ magazines while we wait in line, or you slow down _just a little_ when we walk in front of a jewellery shop.”

 

Casey felt her blush creep back on her face. She wasn’t really embarrassed that she hadn’t noticed doing these things. She was more touched that _he_ had. It never ceased to amaze her how attentive and thoughtful Jesse was. He was usually the quiet type. But she‘d figured out that it only meant that he took more care in observing and analyzing his surroundings. He was incredibly aware, so why she didn’t think he would notice, she didn’t know. Still, the attention melted her insides. She let her head fall on his shoulder.

 

“Plus, like I said, I’m thinking about it,” Jesse said. “Just be patient with me?”

 

Casey looked up at him from her resting spot and smiled. “Take as long as you need.”

 

He returned her smile and dipped his head to kiss her softly. “Thanks. So does that mean I didn’t completely ruin your night by not living up to expectations?” She scowled, letting him know she was onto his teasing. He laughed.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. Tonight was lovely. Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

As they neared their apartment building, Casey’s phone beeped. She got a text. She ignored it for the time being and pulled out her keys. It beeped again. And again.

 

Jesse held the door open for her. “Is that Derek again?” he said incredulously, laughing. “Love the dude, but he texts like a fifteen year old girl.”

 

“I don’t know,” Casey said, looking down at her purse. She frowned. “He doesn’t text me that much!”

 

Another beep.

 

Jesse laughed again. “Yeah, right.”

 

She unlocked the door to their apartment, still frowning. If Derek was texting her so many times in a row, it must be important. Or he found some memes about her last name again. She relaxed, just now realizing that she’d gotten tense. Yeah, that sounded more like Derek.

 

As she hung her coat, her phone beeped once more.

 

“You should probably check it. Could be important,” Jesse said softly, squeezing her shoulder as he headed towards the living room. She followed him as she pulled out her phone. It was Lizzie.

 

**[ YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT MARTI DID THIS TIME ]**

**[ GEORGE IS PISSED ]**

**[ SHE’S MOVING TO CALIFORNIA ]**

**[ SHE SIGNED UP FOR A COVEN CASEY WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ]**

**[ The intervention is next week-end. ]**

 

_What?!_

Casey looked up at Jesse, eyes wide, uncomprehending. “It’s Lizzie. I should call her.”

 

Jesse nodded and gently touched her arm as she passed by, heading towards their bedroom to call Lizzie. She felt like this could be a long conversation. Lizzie picked up right away.

 

“I CANNOT BELIEVE HER!” Lizzie’s voice boomed in her ear. Casey winced slightly.

 

“Lizzie, what is going on?”

 

Lizzie sighed and seemed to calm down as her voice came back at a more normal volume. “Marti decided that the best way to choose a University was at random,” she started, irony dripping as she emphasized every word in an aggravating manner. “So her first – and only – choice of university turns out to be a catholic school in California, to actually study catholic religion and THE WAYS OF GOD!!” Lizzie yelled the last words.

 

Casey pulled the phone away from her ear before answering. “You said something about a coven?”

 

“It might as well be!”

 

Well, this wasn’t ideal, but…

 

“If that’s what she wants to do, Liz…” Casey tried weakly.

 

“Casey!” Lizzie whined. “You can’t tell me you approve of Marti ruining all her potential by going to school to study _religion_! She’s not even _catholic_! She’s _atheist_!”

 

It did sound odd. Especially since Marti had never cared about religion at all. Without mentioning that the last time she had seen her, last month for Casey’s birthday, Marti had told her how excited she was about hearing back from her university. She’d assumed Marti had applied to an art school. Why choose to study something she had no interest in when she had so much talent? Then again, choosing a university at random did sound like something only Marti would do.

 

Unawares, Lizzie just kept going. “What about her painting?! Have you seen what she’s been painting lately?! She’s gotten so good! Why would she just do this! It’s not that she’s moving to California! It’s that she couldn’t care less about religion! This is ridiculous! Even Derek is pissed!”

 

That made Casey pause.

 

“Derek is pissed at Marti?” she asked.

 

“Did you hear a word I just said?!” Casey had no doubt that Lizzie was flailing her arms and that her angry face was the same purple as her hair.

 

It was true that Casey didn’t understand Marti’s choice. But the girl often did things that Casey didn’t understand, so she’d gotten used to it. Plus, ever since she herself had made a rash and crazy decision after high school, one that she could never regret, she couldn’t get herself to be angry when her sister was doing the same thing she did… well, not exactly the same thing, since dancing had been Casey’s passion practically since she was born, but… maybe Marti had reasons for choosing that path? And since she wasn’t angry, she couldn’t imagine that Derek, of all people, would be angry at Marti for her life choice.

 

“Yes, I did, Lizzie,” Casey sighed softly. “And I know that it’s odd, but maybe Marti has her reasons. She never said anything at all when she was applying to university?”

 

Casey could practically hear Lizzie’s frown when she answered. “Of course she didn’t say anything or I would understand. I can’t believe you’re not more upset than this! What happened to your ‘make good and rational decisions’ speech?”

 

Okay, yes, she had advised her sisters to think about their choices carefully, but she hadn’t exactly been _preaching_. That was _old Casey_. New Casey respected people’s choices even if they didn’t make sense to her. She would rather they follow their hearts.

 

“I didn’t mean that she shouldn’t do what she feels is good for her.”

 

“How is joining a coven good for her!”

 

“You said it wasn’t a coven!” Casey pointed out.

 

“I know, I said-“ Lizzie cut off and Casey heard her muffled sounds on the other end of the line as if she had covered her phone so that Casey couldn’t hear. She barely heard her own name and some cursing before another voice came back into the phone.

 

“Hi, Casey!” chirped Marti, as if nothing was amiss. “They’re all over reacting,” she dismissed.

 

Casey walked to the bed and sat down. She couldn’t help but smile. “Are you sure? Since when are you into religion?”

 

Marti didn’t miss a beat. “It just came to me. Like a revelation.”

 

“A revelation?”

 

“I work in mysterious ways.”

 

“Isn’t that supposed to be God?”

 

“I am not God, Casey, but I am touched that you would think so.”

 

“Marti, give me back my phone,” she heard Lizzie say in the background.

 

“Anyways, it will all be clear to you one day,” Marti said sagely, as if repeating some wise saying. “Are you coming to my intervention next week-end? Derek will be there.”

 

Casey ignored the weird jolt of electricity that shot through her and focused on the other thing that had her confused.

 

“You know about the fam’s intervention?” Casey wondered.

 

“I know about everything.” That made Casey gulp unexplainably.

 

“And you’re not upset?”

 

“Casey, I’m used to all of you guys overreacting. And you really think that anyone could make me change my mind once it’s made up?”

 

“Right,” Casey smiled, then remembered her plans for next week-end. “But oh! I can’t be there, we have rehearsals on Saturday!”

 

“Caseyyyyyy” Marti whined.

 

“Marti, seriously, give me my phone!” Lizzie’s voice sounded louder this time. She heard Marti struggle, probably holding on the phone for dear life.

 

“I’ll give you a pass this time, but you better be there for my birthday in two months!”

 

“Of course I’ll be there!”

 

“Golden!” Marti rushed in between her struggling, “I’ll text you! Bye!”

 

“God, that brat,” Lizzie sighed, having obviously gotten her phone back.

 

“She’ll be okay, Lizzie.”

 

“So you’re not coming this week-end?”

 

“I wish I could, Liz, but it’s one of our final rehearsals before we start performing in front of people and it’s really important.”

 

“It’s okay.” Lizzie’s voice seemed subdued. “You know, she didn’t even talk about it with Dimi.”

 

“Dimi doesn’t know?” Casey frowned. That seemed unlikely. Marti and Dimi shared everything, down to the last tiny piece of cake. And clothes.

 

“Well, now he does,” Lizzie sighed again.

 

Casey had kept herself from asking, but she couldn’t keep it in anymore. “So what does Derek say about all of this?”

 

“Actually Casey, I gotta go. Edwin is waiting for me to go to the movies and he’ll kill me if we’re late and get shitty places again. Just call Der and ask him, anyways.”

 

“Okay, have fun. Keep me posted on the intervention?”

 

“Sure thing! Love you!”

 

Casey hung up and stared at her phone, feeling sad for some reason. She wished she could be there with her family, in the middle of the mess, and make sense of everything. Everyone was really upset, and she could see why, but Marti seemed confident in her decision. After all, they had been upset when Casey ditched university to go dancing in New York too, and that had turned out okay. But… something about the way Marti just deflected her questions seemed off, if not outright suspicious. Marti was the best liar in the family, probably even better than Derek, so it was usually hard to call her bluff. Yet, the way she answered seemed practiced, like she had been prepared to cover up.

 

Casey shook her head. There was no point in being suspicious. It was just a choice in university. A weird one, sure, but who was she to judge?

 

She texted Derek anyway, just to know what he was thinking. The thought of calling made her feel uneasy for some reason. Sure, as Jesse had pointed out, they texted a lot, but she didn’t _call_ him. Actually, now that she thought of it, she hadn’t heard his voice in months. He hadn’t made it to her birthday party in April so that would make it… last year. She hadn’t seen Derek since Christmas. Casey frowned at the thought. She hadn’t noticed. She’d been so busy with school and comfortable in texting him that she didn’t realize it had been six months since they’d interacted directly. Why would she? Why did that make her feel sad?

 

She shook her head and looked at her text.

 

[ _I just heard about Marti. How are you taking it?_ ]

 

She sent the text before getting up and heading out of the bedroom. She found Jesse in the kitchen, washing yesterday’s dishes.

 

“So?” he asked simply.

 

“They’re freaking out because Marti is joining a coven in California.”

 

“What?!” Jesse dropped the sponge and turned to face her, eyes incredulous.

 

Casey laughed. “She just decided to study Catholicism at university.”

 

Jesse’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Your sister is weird.”

 

“Don’t I know it,” Casey said. She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. His arms came around her and held her tight. She sighed, enjoying the comfort.

 

“And you’re okay with this?” he asked tentatively.

 

“Why does everyone think I should be freaking out, right now? Do I really freak out for every little thing?”

 

Jesse chuckled, but didn’t antagonize her. “Well, this isn’t a little thing.”

 

“I know, but what can I do? It’s not like she’s even _rebelling_ , it’s a religious school. What’s the worst thing that can happen to her? She’ll start believing in God? She’ll become a better person and pray every night?” She shrugged.

 

“They could make her dye her hair back,” Jesse said, taking on a horrified tone. Casey laughed. They’d tried for years to convince Marti to stop dying her hair a different color every month. At least Lizzie had stuck with purple.

 

“I don’t think even the higher powers could make Marti do that.”

 

Jesse laughed, then kissed her temple. “I know it’s not the worst thing she could do. It’s just out of character, no? wasn’t she supposed to become the next Michelangelo?”

 

“You know Michelangelo painted chapels ceilings, right?” Casey said, looking up at him, then her eyes shot wide. “Do you think Marti wants to paint chapels ceilings?”

 

Jesse shrugged. “Maybe just the local church. I’ve been to your brother’s baptism, and I have to say, the place needs a paint job.”

 

She slapped his shoulder. “Stop teasing, I’m trying to make sense out of all this. I don’t get it. She doesn’t have to spend three years at university studying a religion just to paint something in a church!” she flailed her arms, disengaging from Jesse and pacing around the kitchen.

 

“Maybe she wants it to be accurate,” he offered. She turned to scowl at him. Her phone beeped. She sighed and picked it up. Derek had answered her text.

 

**[ I’m fine. Marti isn’t. Did she fall on her head while I was away? I thought I was the one with the dangerous hobby. ]**

 

Casey laughed softly. She looked up at Jesse. “Somehow I don’t think that’s the case.”

 

She wandered into the living room and crashed into the couch.

 

[ _You’ve always had something loose, we just hoped that getting hit on the head with a stick would put it back in place._ ]

 

**[ Nice. Like you’re one to talk, Spacey. ]**

 

[ _It doesn’t count, you’re the only one calling me that._ ]

 

Casey stopped halfway into a smile and frowned. She was getting carried away with the teasing again.

 

[ _But I was talking about Marti._ ]

 

**[ So was I, but you started making it about me. As most things are. ]**

 

She rolled her eyes. Time to put the conversation back on track.

 

[ _You don’t think she’s making a good decision?_ ]

 

**[ She’s an atheist. ]**

 

She could imagine the deadpan look on his face.

 

[ _Maybe she wants to paint chapels ceilings?_ ]

 

**[ Huh? ]**

 

[ _Nothing. Just. Maybe she has a reason? Maybe she wants to turn a new leaf?_ ]

 

**[ I thought we were talking about Marti. ]**

 

[ _I am._ ]

 

**[ So… you’re not freaking out? ]**

 

[ _Why does everybody think I should be freaking out??!?!?_ ]

 

**[ Cuz it’s what you do best. :) ]**

 

[ _Not anymore._ ]

**[ You will always freak out. And when you don’t, it’s probably a sign of the apocalypse. So I’m getting worried right now. ]**

 

[ _Derek. It’s not the apocalypse. I just think we should hear her out_. ]

 

**[ Oh, I did hear her out. She picked a school at random and said it was like a revelation. Can you believe her? ]**

 

[ _She said the same thing to me._ ]

 

**[ That little brat. ]**

**[ I don’t buy it. She’s either hiding or planning something. ]**

 

[ _What makes you think that?_ ]

 

**[ She’s my sister. ]**

 

Oh. Right.

 

If someone knew about intricate plans and deception, it would have to be Derek. And as Marti was his own flesh and blood, she was just as skilled at it as he was.

 

Casey often had to remind herself of that, because she was so caught up in thinking of Marti as her sister, that she kind of forgot she was Derek’s too. Well, she didn’t actually _forget_ , but she definitely overlooked the fact as much as she could. They already shared one half-brother, she didn’t need more connecting her to Derek. As much as she considered Marti and Edwin as family, Derek just… didn’t quite fit in that category, no matter her claims to the contrary. Of course, she still cared about him! They had learned to get along over the years. Okay they weren’t getting along, but they could be civil with each other... Or at least they weren’t at each other’s throats all the time, so that was something, right? She might not think of him as her brother, but… they were some kind of… friends?

 

Her phone beeped and she turned her attention back to her texts.

 

**[ I know when she’s up to something. ]**

 

[ _So? What is it?_ ]

 

**[ I don’t know but we’ll figure it out Saturday. ]**

 

[ _I wish I could be there_. ]

 

**[ You’re not coming? ]**

 

Was he… disappointed? _No_ , she shook herself, _he’s probably relieved_. The tone of his text was neutral so she couldn’t tell, he was probably just asking. But maybe… maybe he’d realized he hadn’t seen her in six months too?

 

[ _I can’t. Rehearsals._ ]

 

**[ Oh right, your show. The premiere is in June, right?]**

 

[ _Yeah._ ]

 

She looked up to see Jesse leaning over the couch to read her texts, she fought the urge to hide her phone from view. They did this to each other all the time, he didn’t mean anything by it. She knew he got along with Derek and he trusted her, so she didn’t have anything to feel guilty about.

 

“Derek thinks Marti is up to something,” she told him, covering her uneasiness.

 

“Well, she is a Venturi,” Jesse chuckled. “Tell Derek I said hi,” he said, pushing himself from the couch.

 

She quirked an eyebrow at him. “Don’t you text him all the time?”

 

“It’s been a while,” he shrugged. She watched him walk to the bathroom and close the door behind him before returning to her phone.

 

[ _Jesse says hi._ ]

 

**[ Hi back. I gotta go. Talk to you later? ]**

 

Casey smiled.

 

[ _Later._ ]

 

She looked at the time. 9:25 pm. She tucked her phone in her pocket and fell on her side with a tired sigh; She barely made it past nine these days. She wiggled on the couch so that she was lying on her back and her head was resting on the cushion, closing her eyes. She tuned in on the sounds of Jesse’s shower, listening to the droplets fall and crash over skin, sometimes hearing the creak of his feet sliding on wet porcelain. She let all the tension of the day and the last few months drain from her. Aside from a little family drama, everything was going great.

 

She’d finally finished university and was going to start med school in the fall. After pushing herself for five years, Casey was glad that was over and she was finally back on track. As exhausting as it was, she felt medicine was her calling. And just thinking of what she could accomplish, lives that she could save, it was a rush that even dancing couldn’t match. She couldn’t deny that she was very ambitious, and she wanted nothing more than to succeed in the best, most satisfyingly demanding field she could handle. She took pride and joy in learning and pushing herself farther academically. Being a neurologist had been her dream job since she was fifteen (and watched Grey’s Anatomy). Even though she’d been a little sidetracked after high school, she had always wanted to go back to her initial plan. After all, she knew she could only have a career in dancing for so long. Plus, even though she loved dancing, she’d realized that wasn’t really what she wanted to do her whole life.

 

She had enjoyed being in a few shows over the years. Her second year in New York, she and Jesse had been noticed and signed a contract with a company that wanted them as their power couple. It was an incredible experience, being the front and center of a successful show, it was a step short from fame. It was exhilarating. But when Jesse had gotten hurt and couldn’t dance on his leg anymore, it took them both a while to get over it.

 

Dancing without him just didn’t give her the same thrill. So she’d started evening classes at university for the first year, still doing shows until she had enough money on the side to cover studying full time. Jesse had picked up a job at the pub down the street. Surprisingly, he seemed to really enjoy it. He was now the oldest employee and he’d been made manager, so it suited him well. He always said that all his experience in customer service had to serve him somehow. He was better. And after their discussion tonight, Casey couldn’t help but think that they were definitely in a good place.

 

As for the Marti situation, that would be handled in due time.

 

**. . .**

 

Holding the brown bag in between her teeth, Casey tried balancing the coffee tray in her hand precariously while reaching for her phone in her pocket. She looked at the screen to find that she had just received a text from Derek. She groaned and headed for a table. It wasn’t even a phone call, why hadn’t she just waited to put her things down to answer it? She regretted changing her ringtone so bad.

 

She sat down and put her things on the table securely. She set her phone on vibrate before swiping it open to read the message.

 

**[ She’s not budging. -_- ]**

 

Right, Marti’s intervention. That was today. She’d almost forgotten. Today had been hectic. Their show was premiering in two weeks, and they still had a lot of touch ups to make to the costumes and the male lead playing with Casey kept forgetting his lines. Rehearsal was running late today, as they usually finished before dinner, so Casey had been sent on a coffee run. At this point, they wouldn’t be done until late at night.

 

She was surprised to hear back from Derek before Lizzie. But Casey supposed Lizzie was still seething from their failed attempt to text her just yet.

 

[ _Is it weird that it makes me feel better?_ ]

 

She couldn’t help it. If Marti was dead set on her decision, it had to mean that she was making a good one. Even if it turned out that she didn’t like it, she could always sign up for something else next year, but she would have tried and learned from the experience. Marti was entitled to make her own mistakes, after all.

 

**[ I guess if she’s so sure…]**

 

Casey stared at her phone. She hadn’t expected Derek to get it. But then again, she knew he also wanted nothing more than Marti to be happy.

**[ But I still think it reeks of cover up. ]**

 

She snorted.

 

[ _You would know something about that._ ]

 

**[ Are we going there again? I thought we had already established that I am evil. ]**

 

Casey smirked.

 

[ _It bears repeating._ ]

 

She was so focused on her phone that she barely noticed when someone crashed into her chair, laughing. The person apologized quickly, but Casey barely gave a nod to acknowledge them.

 

**[ And here I thought I could change. ]**

 

She vaguely thought she heard someone call her name, but this was New York, there were a lot of people named Casey, so she brushed it off.

 

[ _You never change, Der. You will probably always be evil. And an emotional 12 year old._ ]

 

**[ I don’t even get a chance at redemption? ]**

 

[ _Pfft. What are you? A batman villain?_ ]

 

Someone put a hand on her upper arm. “Casey?!”

 

Wait.

 

She recognized that voice. She hadn’t heard it in nine years, but she would recognize it anywhere. She looked up to find a gorgeous blonde grinning widely down at her. “Sally?!” she said, eyes widening.

 

“Oh my God!” Sally exclaimed, outstretching her arms, obviously waiting for Casey to hug her. Casey readily obliged.

 

“What are you doing here?!” Casey said excitedly as she squeezed Sally tightly. God, she couldn’t believe she would run into her so randomly, in New York City, of all places. “Last I heard from you, you were graduating and taking a job in Vancouver!”

 

Sally gave her one last squeeze before putting her hands on Casey’s shoulders and pushing her at a distance so she could look at her face. “Well, I got a job offer I couldn’t refuse. I just moved to New York last week. What about you?”

 

“I’ve been living here for the last… eight years?” Casey laughed. “I can’t believe I ran into you on your first week here.” She felt her phone vibrate in her hand.

 

“Me neither!” Sally said, then turned to the blonde man next to her. “Casey, this is my brother, David. He’s been helping me unpack and I was buying him coffee before he leaves me tonight.” She pouted at him.

 

David was tall. He had broad shoulders and his whole body seemed well muscled. Just by looking at him, one could tell that he was either an athlete, or he worked out a lot. Casey seemed to remember Sally mentioning once that one of her brothers was into rock climbing? Or maybe all of them were? That memory was so far away.

 

Although he was kind of physically imposing, he gave off a friendly vibe. He smiled widely and offered his hand out. “You’re Derek’s sister, right?” David said.

 

“Step-sister,” Casey said automatically as she shook his hand. She noticed that he had a very nice smile, his eyes were kind and his features were smooth, if a little roughed up by the facial hair. He was as beautiful as Sally was. _It must run in the family_ , Casey thought. She smiled. “You know Derek?” she asked, a little stupidly.

 

“Of course,” David laughed. “He was the love of her life,” he pointed his thumb towards Sally, “I’ll never forget all those nights of crying before she left for Vancouver.” Casey ignored the way her stomach twisted on itself.

 

Sally gasped and slapped her brother on the shoulder. “Stop embarrassing me, David!” She looked at him with wide eyes and inclined her head towards Casey, trying to communicate something that Casey couldn’t quite understand. David just snickered.

 

As Sally turned back to Casey, she seemed to notice that her hand was still on Casey’s shoulder, so she let it drop. Casey hadn’t noticed it was still there. “Sorry about that, he likes to bring up old shit.”

 

“Don’t worry, I know how much Derek meant to you back then,” Casey offered.

 

“Still,” Sally brushed her bangs off her forehead, “I’m over it.” She gave her brother a meaningful look.

 

Casey took that moment to look at her phone and read Derek’s last text.

 

**[ Well, I’ve got my evil laugh down now. I’ve been practicing. ]**

 

She chuckled and looked up at Sally. She didn’t feel like talking about him right now. Especially since, if she was reading things correctly, Derek seemed like a sore subject between Sally and David.

 

“Actually, I’ve got to go. I’m working at a theatre and I’m bringing coffee.” She pointed at the coffee cups on the table. “You don’t want to get between actors and their caffeine, believe me.”

 

Sally laughed, “Oh I wouldn’t dare. Well, it was nice to see you. Maybe we could get together sometime and catch up?” she smiled hopefully. As if Casey could deny Sally anything when she smiled like that.

 

“Of course!” She meant it. She had been so fond of Sally in high school. Seeing her now, she felt like she’d missed her all this time without realizing it. “I want to hear everything.” She picked up her stuff and took a couple of steps towards the door before turning around. “Wait, do you want my number?” she said, as an afterthought.

 

After they exchanged numbers, Sally hugged her one last time, almost making Casey spill coffee on herself, and then Casey headed out of the coffee shop, shouting one last “Nice to meet you, David!” over her shoulder.

 

“Likewise,” he waved. Casey smiled, and let the door close behind her. She walked quickly, she was getting late. She was sure to hear a few complaints about cold coffee from the crew, but she didn’t really care. She was still overwhelmed by her meeting with Sally. What were the chances?

 

When she got to the theatre, she was jumped by a bunch of caffeine deprived actors. As they all got back to work, Casey pushed aside all other thoughts, focusing on her lines to ensure that they wouldn’t have to stretch rehearsal later than necessary. So it was only later at night, as she settled in an empty bed, waiting on Jesse, that she thought to check her phone.

 

Other than Derek’s unanswered text, she had three new messages.

 

The one from Jesse read: “One of my guys didn’t show up. I’ll have to cover, so don’t wait up. He is so fired.”

 

Casey sighed. Oh well, so much for waiting on him tonight. Next, she read Lizzie’s text.

 

**[ So we couldn’t convince Marti to change her mind. I’m a little disappointed that she won’t see reason. But I guess I just have to respect her choice now. ]**

 

She smiled softly and answered.

 

[ _I know it’s difficult but we all have to. Don’t worry, she’ll be fine. It’s probably just a phase._ ]

 

Lizzie didn’t answer. She was probably sleeping at this hour.

 

Casey moved on to her next message. She had a voicemail from Sally, asking about a convenient time to meet up. Casey figured it was too late to call back, so she wrote her a text with her schedule for next week. Sally didn’t answer either.

 

So she went back to her thread with Derek, biting her lip as she read his last message. She didn’t really know what to say next, but she didn’t want the conversation to end. She instantly felt ridiculous for it, so she put her phone down and turned on her side, intent on sleeping.

 

Sleep wouldn’t come.

 

She picked up her phone again, considered her text for a minute, then hit send.

 

[ _I saw Sally today._ ]

 

He didn’t reply instantly. She was just about to put her phone down again when it vibrated in her hand.

 

**[ Yeah, she told me. ]**

 

Casey frowned. She wasn’t aware that they were still talking.

 

[ _Oh._ ]

 

**[ Just because we broke up doesn’t mean we don’t keep in touch. ]**

 

She hadn’t said anything! How did he still get in her head when he was hours away?!

 

[ _I know that._ ]

 

She answered a little defensively, but she figured it probably didn’t show in a text. If he noticed, he didn’t mention it. Just moved on.

 

**[ She said she was happy to have a friend in NYC. She doesn’t know anyone there. ]**

 

Casey felt her heart tightening a little at the thought of Sally being alone in a new city. She remembered how grateful she had been for Jesse when she’d moved, because it was easy to get lost and overwhelmed in such a big city. She hadn’t even thought of it. Casey instantly decided to make sure Sally knew she was there for her and that she was not alone.

 

[ _She’ll always have me!_ ]

 

**[ Good to know. So I don’t have to worry about you two. ]**

 

[ _Why would you worry about me?_ ]

 

**[ You’re alone too. ]**

 

Casey stared. He was _worried_ about her. She never would have expected that from Derek. She didn’t know how to react to getting such an honest answer from him, no matter how unfounded his worries were, since she was not alone.

 

[ _I have Jesse._ ]

 

**[ It’s not the same. ]**

 

[ _He’s really supportive._ ]

 

**[ I didn’t say he wasn’t. ]**

 

Then what did he mean? Did he think Jesse was not enough for her? She didn’t get an answer though. Before she could ask, he’d changed the subject.

 

**[ I think the fam is coming around to Marti’s decision. ]**

 

She decided to go along, like the coward that she was.

 

[ _And let me guess, you aren’t?_ ]

 

**[ It just doesn’t make sense. ]**

 

[ _You have to let it go._ ]

 

**[ I can’t hold it back anymore. ]**

 

[ _Did you just?_ ]

 

**[ What? Simon had a phase. ]**

 

Casey laughed. She relaxed against the tension that had been building over another almost argument with Derek. She could argue with him some other time. This was nice.

 

[ _Sure, blame it on Simon._ ]

 

**[ It’s a really good movie, okay! ]**

 

She laughed again. Even though he tried to cover it with sarcasm, Derek was just another stupid dork.

 

[ _Dork_. ]

 

**[ Can supervillains be dorks? ]**

 

[ _I wouldn’t have thought so, but there you are._ ]

 

**[ I’m pretty sure my level of evil should cancel that shit out. ]**

 

[ _If you’re not a dork, then what are you doing on a Saturday night texting with your sister?_ ]

 

She knew it didn’t really make sense, but she couldn’t resist setting the trap, hoping he would walk right in it.

 

**[ I’m not texting Marti right now. ]**

 

Close enough.

 

**[ I’m giving her the silent treatment. ]**

 

[ _Nerd._ ]

 

**[ What’s with all the name calling? ]**

 

[ _They’re terms of endearment._ ]

 

She’d sent the text before she could realize what she was saying.

 

**[ Really? ]**

 

[ _I meant it ironically!_ ]

 

There really was no way she could save face against something like this.

 

**[ Am I not your DEAR brother? ]**

 

[ _Did you pass your phone to Simon now?_ ]

 

He didn’t reply right away, and she felt the emptiness of his next text like a heavy, uncomfortable silence, the knowledge that she’d consciously walked into the trap he’d set in retaliation for hers weighing heavy on her heart.

 

**[ Pretty sure Simon is off to bed at this hour. ]**

**[ And speaking of that, shouldn’t you be too? ]**

 

For some unspeakable reason, Casey felt bold tonight. She wanted to see how far she could push it.

 

[ _I already am._ ]

 

She looked at the tiny bubbles indicating that he was typing, but then he stopped, and the bubbles disappeared. He wrote something and erased it again. She felt a tiny pang of victory in her gut. Even with a text, she’d rendered him speechless. Anticipation was rising within her as she waited for his next text.

 

**[ I guess I’ll let you sleep now, then. ]**

 

 _Noooooo_. She’d pushed too far. She knew it. Her anticipation turned into guilt. Why had she thought this was a good idea, again? She’d probably just succeeded in making it awkward now. As opposed to… what? What was she trying to accomplish? She really shouldn’t have been flir- talking! with Derek like this.

 

She let her phone fall on the blanket while she rubbed her face with both hands before picking it up again.

 

[ _Yeah, I’m kind of beat. Goodnight, Derek._ ]

 

She knew, deep down, that he had probably expected her to say that she wasn’t tired. And she really didn’t want to stop, but she must have been tired, surely, because there was no way that she had done what she had done while she was in her right mind.

 

Derek didn’t answer. He must have felt it too.

 

Casey put her phone on her nightstand for good, and settled in bed, closing her eyes and feeling her heart pounding in her ears. She allowed herself to freak out over her behaviour for a minute. Then, she took a deep breath, and shoved this whole conversation to the back of her mind, where all her other embarrassing slip ups lied. She was not going to think of it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, also. I've set the rating low for now, but it should get a bump to Mature/Explicit eventually...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this fic is supposed to be crack I don't know where all the angst comes from.

Sunday evening, Casey invited Sally to meet up at _Blackstone’s_ for a drink. She thought she could use the occasion to introduce Sally to Jesse while he worked and show her a little bit of their every day life. She really wanted Sally to feel like she belonged.

 

“Relax, she said she would be there, didn’t she?”

 

Casey looked up at Jesse across the bar. “I’m not worried that she won’t show up. Sally wouldn’t stand me up like that!”

 

“Why are you nervous, then?” Jesse asked.

 

“I’m not!”

 

He gave a pointed look at her hands where she’d been tapping her fingers in agitation. She forced herself to relax as she leaned against the bar.

 

“I just hope she’ll like it here and feel at home like I do,” she sighed.

 

Jesse gave her a knowing smile. “You know she likes you. Even if she hates me, or my bar, she’ll still want to hang out with you,” he said softly. He threw the towel he was holding on his shoulder and put down an empty glass in front of her. Sometimes he looked like a complete cliché. “How about a drink to calm your nerves, miss?”

 

Casey laughed. “Okay. The usual, please, sir.”

 

He mixed her rum and coke expertly, then gave it to her with a wink. She rolled her eyes at him and took a sip. She felt the warmth of the alcohol descend into her body soothingly and gave Jesse a grateful smile.

 

“I guess it’s normal for you to be nervous about making a new friend,” Jesse said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Even if you’ve known each other before. You’re not used to it anymore.”

 

Casey looked up from her drink with a frown. “What do you mean?”

 

“Just… You haven’t had a lot of friends since you moved to New York.”

 

“I have friends!”

 

“I know! I’m not…” he sighed. “Forget it.”

 

Her frown deepened. This conversation sounded familiar somehow. It sounded a lot like another conversation that she never had.

 

“You think I’m scared of making friends?”

 

“No, that’s not it,” Jesse smiled. He got closer and leaned on the other side of the bar so he could take her hand in his. “Look, I know you’re doing well on your own. You still talk to your old friends and you’ve been too busy to think about meeting new people. And I know you love me, but I can’t be everything for you all the time. So I just think it’s good that Sally showed up. It could be nice for you to have someone else to hang out with. Especially when I’m working late in the evenings. You could go and do girl stuff with Sally.”

 

She tilted her head. Was that what Derek had meant when he said that she was alone? That she didn’t have friends? It was never a problem before… With Jesse there for emotional support, and Emily and her family just a phone call away, she’d never needed more. Especially with her busy schedule with school and theatre. Most of her free time was spent sleeping or doing chores at home. But, she guessed that it could be nice to have Sally around and have someone to go out for lunch with; Jesse usually slept in late in the afternoon to make up for his late nights.

 

If she was honest with herself, it did make her a little nervous to think of it that way. Because then, what if she had all those expectations, and Sally didn’t want to hang out with her, or didn’t have the time, and Casey would still be left alone?

 

She felt Jesse squeeze her hand. Her thoughts must have echoed on her face. “It’ll be okay. She loves you,” he said, reassuringly.

 

She smiled at him. “Thank you.”

 

“She should be here any minute now,” he said, looking up at the clock on the wall behind him.

 

Casey looked at the time on her phone for good measure. Two minutes until six. She took a bigger sip of her drink to drown out the nervous butterflies in her stomach. She looked over her shoulder to survey the door. No tall blonde in sight. She looked back in front of her to find Jesse had his back to her, he was texting. She tried to look around him but his phone was just out of sight.

 

A few seconds later, her phone chimed. It was Derek.

 

**[ It’s going to be fine! Just breathe, Space Case! ]**

 

Casey gaped at the text, then looked up at Jesse in shock.

 

“Have you and Derek been texting about this?!” she almost shrieked.

 

Jesse rubbed the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly. “He mentioned it-”

 

“When?!” Casey interrupted

 

“This morning…”

 

“I thought you said you guys didn’t text anymore,” she said almost accusingly.

 

“We caught up!”

 

“Ugh! That infuriating little-“

 

“Can I take a wild guess here and say this is about a certain step-brother that we both know?”

 

Casey jumped at Sally’s voice behind her. She turned around and gave a dejected sigh. “The one and only.”

 

“What did he do this time?” Sally asked.

 

“Oh, nothing, just meddling in my personal stuff and ruining my life. The usual.”

 

Jesse chuckled at her dramatics and extended his arm over the bar towards Sally. “Hello. I’m Jesse. The boyfriend.”

 

Sally grinned and shook his hand. “Hi, Jesse. I’m Sally.”

 

“I know, I heard a little bit about you,” he said, smirking at Casey. She buried her face in her hands. Why were these boys bent on making her life so difficult?

 

“Oh boy, do I need to call my lawyer?” Sally joked.

 

“I don’t think so,” Jesse laughed. “How about you girls go find a booth and I’ll bring the menu over. Sally, do you want a drink? On the house.”

 

“Ooh, I’ll have a gin and tonic, please!” Sally said, quirking up. Casey wrinkled her nose at the mention of the drink. She could never get used to the bitter taste of club soda. When Sally turned towards her expectantly, Casey smiled and got up from her stool. Sally grabbed her wrist and lead her towards the back of the pub. “I’m so happy to see you! You have no idea how anxious I was about being by myself in the big city!”

 

“I get it, it was the same thing for me when I first moved here,” Casey said.

 

Sally sat down and looked up at Casey as she sat down in front of her. “You know, it didn’t click yesterday, but Derek did mention that you’d moved to NYC, a few years ago. I guess I just wasn’t expecting to meet you here after all this time.”

 

“Didn’t you tell him that you were moving here?” Casey asked, curious.

 

Sally looked sheepish and shrugged, “It was kind of a last minute decision. I told my brothers, and that’s about it.”

 

“You said something about a job, right?”

 

“Yes. I met a guy back in Vancouver during an art exposition I was hosting and he gave me his card, said that he liked my eye and that he would like to offer me a job. Turns out he’s got a gallery here that’s gaining in popularity and he’s ready to pay me big time to organize his next shows,” Sally shrugged. “It’s more about layout and creating a mood than getting visibility for my art, but it’s a great opportunity.”

 

“Sally, that is great! What’s it called?”

 

“Um, James Zweller’s Gallery?”

 

“I know the place!” Casey exclaimed. “It’s a couple of blocks from the theatre I work at. I’ve been a couple of times before the tickets became out of price. What are the chances?!”

 

“Ladies,” Jesse interrupted, bearing menus and Sally’s drink.

 

“Oh, thank you!” Sally accepted the drink with a bright smile. Her eyes sparkled as she looked back at Casey and Casey was struck by how beautiful Sally was. She’d always known, but she never really stopped to think about it. The way her face lit up, with her contagious smile, looking at her felt like a breath of fresh air.

 

Casey caught herself staring and looked down at her menu. Jesse left to attend other customers and she felt Sally’s gaze back on her. She frowned down at the menu she knew by heart, embarrassed by how hard she’d been staring.

 

“You know, I’m not really surprised,” Sally said finally.

 

“You’re not?” Casey looked up.

 

“I mean, you’ve always been interested in art and culture, you must have been to a lot of places since you moved here.”

 

“Oh, yeah!” Casey didn’t know why she was relieved. Because if Sally hadn’t been talking about art, what could she have been talking about? “I love discovering new galleries! There’s only so many times you want to go to the Met, even when they change their expositions every few months.”

 

“You’ll have to show me some of your favourites!”

 

“Yeah, of course! You know, personally, I think the most simple ones are more interesting than the ones that are all flashy with light shows and everything, because it’s like, you get one peaceful moment with a painting and you get to really feel the meaning behind it.”

 

Sally regarded her thoughtfully. “I like the way you think. I’ve always thought a show should allow a piece to speak for itself.”

 

“Exactly!”

 

“I really want you to come to my first show, this summer, and tell me what you think.”

 

“Definitely!”

 

“Okay, enough about me, now what about you?” Sally sat up and slammed her hands on the table, like she was bracing herself for the best story ever, giving Casey her full attention. “What have you been up to?”

 

“Well, I just finished my bachelor’s degree in pre-med,” she saw Sally’s eyes widen, and she continued. “But this summer, I’m working in a play to save money for med school in the fall.”

 

“Casey, you’re going to med school? So you still want to become a neurologist?” Sally asked.

 

Casey started, surprised. “You remembered?”

 

“Of course, I remember, Casey. This is important information about you, and any good friend should remember these things.

 

Casey smiled. She remembered why she had loved Sally so much before. She had never thought of them as such good friends though, just casual acquaintances who got along because Sally was dating Casey’s brother. But Sally had always been so easy to get along with. She’d wanted to know Casey right away, even before she and Derek were a thing. She’d listened to Casey when she broke up with Max and included her in her activities with Derek. Maybe their sort of friendship had been more important to Sally than Casey had thought. Her heart swelled, cheeks warming up.

 

“That’s so sweet,” Casey said softly. That was all she could think to say through her speechlessness.

 

Sally smiled warmly and tilted her head. “It’s just basic friend stuff, and we’re friends, right?”

 

For some reason, Casey thought she heard some uncertainty in Sally’s voice and she rushed to soothe it. “Yes!” she practically yelled. “We are!” She grinned. She felt a little bit like back when she was eight years old and she made a new friend, it always felt like the most wonderful thing in the world. Even now, at twenty-six, it seemed, the feeling didn’t change. Maybe she was more out of practice than she’d liked to think. Damn these stupid boys for being right.

 

“Okay, now tell me more about Jesse. You guys have been together for eight years?!”

 

They kept talking and catching up for a few hours. Jesse only came by a few times to bring the food they ordered and refill their drinks. By the end of the night, they were a mess of girly giggling as they remembered things from high school and stories from Smelly Nelly’s.

 

“.. and I told him ‘No Way!’” Sally was saying, trying to hold in her laughter long enough to tell her story. “He wanted me to wear a name tag that said ‘Riley’! My name is not Riley! He had better get me one with my name on it or I was out of there!”

 

“I can’t believe he tried to make you wear that nametag too! I had to wear it the whole time I worked there!” Casey pouted. Even if she’d worked up the nerve to refuse and demand her own nametag, she knew that Andrew would have just let her walk out the door.

 

“I was lucky he wasn’t in charge anymore, Derek agreed with me.”

 

“Of course he did. He wanted to get in your pants!” Casey said, maybe she was a little drunk.

 

Sally laughed. “He did, didn’t he?”

 

Casey’s phone beeped and she picked it off the table to check her messages. Derek. It was like he had sensed that they were talking about him.

 

**[ So? How’s it going? ]**

 

She huffed, _like he cared_.

 

[ _We’re not talking about you and it’s great._ ]

 

She just wanted to rub it in his face, honestly.

 

**[ I didn’t think you would… but it’s funny that you say that you’re not… hmm. ]**

 

[ _Does your ego ever take a break?_ ]

 

“Is that Derek?” Sally asked eagerly. Like she was happy that he existed at all. Ugh.

 

“Yes,” Casey said dismissively, setting her phone down. “But he’s not going to distract us from our night of fun! This is a girls only space” She gestured at the table.

 

Sally giggled. “It’s okay, I know you guys are close.”

 

Casey sputtered. “Close? We are… We are NOT close.”

 

“Oh,” Sally smiled knowingly, “are you still doing that thing where you pretend that you hate each other?”

 

“We do!” Casey insisted, trying very hard to keep her mind from going back to their conversation from last night. “We are… we hate each other!”

 

“So… if you hate each other, why are you texting all the time?”

 

Ouch. She didn’t come here to be called out. She didn’t need Sally pulling receipts on her tonight, not even one day after she’d developed an instantaneous disease that controlled her brain into thinking flirting with Derek had been a good idea.

 

“We don’t text all the time,” Casey denied weakly. Her phone buzzed.

 

“What is he saying?” Sally tried to grab her phone, but Casey reacted fast enough to snatch it out before she could get to it.

 

“Nothing!” She read his text.

 

**[ It’s so easy when you’re doing all the work for me. ]**

 

“He thinks we’re talking about him,” Casey said in an incredulous tone. He had some nerve!

 

“But we are talking about him.”

 

“He doesn’t need to know that!” She waved her hand around and replied quickly.

 

[ _Shhhh. You’re distracting me. There’s more important stuff than you to talk about._ ]

 

“You know, he’s been very supportive of us meeting up,” Sally pointed out. “The least we could do is show appreciation.”

 

Casey sighed. She forgot that Sally actually cared about Derek and his feelings. She still wasn’t sure that they existed, but Sally insisted on treating him like a human being, and not the demon that he was. She was so naïve. Casey shook her head.

 

“Sally. Derek doesn’t do anything without a reason. Showing appreciation is the LAST thing we should do, especially before we figure out what he’s getting out of this.”

 

He texted again and Casey deigned reading his message.

 

**[ I know it’s hard for you to think of other things when I’m around ;) ]**

 

Casey sputtered and her brain stopped working. Her state of shock gave Sally the opportunity to pluck the phone from her hands. She giggled as she said “Well then, let’s find out what he’s up to!” She wrote down something and waited, giving Casey a sly look.

 

“What did you say?!” Casey cried when she came back to herself. Oh no, this wasn’t good. What if Sally read their conversation and realized that something _wrong_ was going on. This could ruin everything. Their friendship. Her relationship with Jesse. She would bring shame on her family. This was terrible!

 

Sally interrupted her downward spiral of shame. “Nothing. I just asked him if he wanted to see a picture of us kissing.”

 

“WHAT?!” Casey yelled, ignoring the way the room fell silent after her irruption. From the corner of her eye she thought she saw Jesse shaking his head. After a few seconds, the other patrons started talking again and she turned back to Sally, who was looking at her with wide eyes. “What?” she repeated, quieter this time, almost whispering.

 

“I was just kidding,” Sally said carefully and held Casey’s phone back. She read back instantly.

 

[ _Are you sure you didn’t plan this whole thing, D?_ ]

 

**[ Sadly, my control does not extend to chance meetings in coffee shops. ]**

 

That was it. A harmless message. Casey sighed in relief.

 

When she looked up again, Sally looked uncomfortable. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have taken your phone like that,” she said apologetically.

 

Casey immediately regretted her outburst. “Oh no, no. I so overreacted. You know how I get with Derek. I wouldn’t trust him with a ball of yarn.” She tried to laugh but it sounded awkward to her own ears.

 

“I didn’t realize he made you feel that way.”

 

“He doesn’t,” Casey started denying, but her voice broke and she had to whisper the rest of her sentence, “… make me feel anything.”

 

A weird moment stretched between them. They seemed to come to an understanding, comprehension settling in Sally’s eyes. Although, what they had agreed to, Casey didn’t know. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. At that point all she could think was that she had had too much to drink.

 

“Well,” Sally said softly, waving at Casey’s phone “it looks like he didn’t have anything to do with us running into each other.”

 

Casey could only look down at her phone. The screen was dark.

 

“Maybe…” Sally continued, “maybe it was just meant to be?”

 

Casey’s head shot up again. Sally smiled, looking for all the world like she genuinely thought that fate had brought them back together, but wary of Casey having another outburst if she said the wrong thing. Looking into Sally’s bright green eyes, Casey let go of all of her tension and returned her smile.

 

“Maybe.”

 

**. . .**

 

Casey looked at her phone. It had been two days since she’d met with Sally. She hadn’t texted Derek since. She hadn’t replied to his last message on Sunday, or the last three he’d sent her since.

 

 _I know you guys are close_ , resonated in her head.

 

The thing was, they really weren’t. They just sent words out, out of boredom, just to check up on each other because after all, they _were_ family. Their parents were married. They shared a brother. A blood brother. A brother who had both his and her genes, whom they were both related to, and that just had to make them family, right? So it made sense that they’d keep in touch. But they were not close. And they didn’t text _all_ the time.

 

Or at least, they didn’t have to. She didn’t have to answer his texts if she didn’t want to. It’s not like he actually cared if she did, anyways. He was just messaging her out of polite courtesy to their familial bond. They were family.

 

Maybe if she repeated it long enough, she would eventually believe it.

 

“What did he do this time?” Jesse came up behind her.

 

“Who?” she asked, startled.

 

“Derek.”

 

“He didn’t do anything,” she denied, clutching her phone to her chest.

 

“You’ve been staring at your phone hardcore for twenty minutes,” Jesse said, crossing his arms over his chest and giving her his no nonsense look.

 

“It doesn’t have anything to do with Derek,” Casey insisted. “I was just… thinking about getting a new phone.”

 

“This one’s new. You got it last year.”

 

“It has defects, it bugs all the time.”

 

“You never said anything about your phone bugging all the time,”

 

“I don’t have to tell you everything,” Casey said, defensively.

 

“And now you’re getting defensive like you always do when you and Derek are having an argument,” Jesse sighed.

 

“Not everything has to do with Derek.”

 

“Hate to say it, because he really doesn’t need me to stroke his ego, but yeah… it usually does.”

 

“This is ridiculous! I’m not upset at Derek, and I am not arguing with you because everything is fine and Derek didn’t do anything!”

 

Jesse put his hands up in surrender. “Okay… so you want a new phone?”

 

“Yes!”

 

And that’s how she ended up at the phone stand, looking at phones, pretending that she wanted a new one, while Jesse talked with the clerk about better plans. Casey groaned inwardly. If she had been alone, she could have just faked it and said she didn’t find a phone that she liked better. But she knew that if she tried it now, Jesse would be looking at each cell phone with her, going through pros and cons lists, because he had the endless patience of a saint.

 

She watched him interact with the clerk, making sure that he was still deep in conversation, then fished her phone out of her pocket. She read Derek’s last messages for what felt like the thousandth time.

 

**[ Holy shit I just found a gray hair :O ]**

**[ Does this mean I’m a wise old man, now? ]**

**[ I remember when I was your age, kid. Good times. ]**

 

That was it. No teasing. No innuendos. How did he get away with sending her such casual texts? They didn’t have any hidden meaning, they were completely harmless. Then why did they make her feel all weird inside?

 

On a normal day, she would have answered right away without over thinking it. But with the clarity of hindsight, she realized that he had no purpose for sending her those texts. That was the scariest thought of all. Because if he didn’t have a reason… then… he just sent them because… he wanted to? He just wanted to text her? Talk to her?

 

And they were just such _normal_ texts too. Like the kind of text that you send to someone that you just share those kinds of things with, whom you share everything with, down to the tiniest gray hair. They weren’t even the first of their kind. As she went back through their older conversations, she found that they were merely the latest of many, and she had never, _ever_ , realized that it was happening.

 

She couldn’t believe it. This whole time, they’d pretended, but under it all, had they… been _close_? Close enough to share normal every day stuff with each other for no purpose whatsoever? _Just because_.

 

What did it mean about their relationship if that was true? Could she really keep up the pretence that they did it just because it was expected of them as brother and sister, when she didn’t even share those things with Lizzie? Was it just the kind of friendship that she had developed with him? But then, if it was only friendship, she wouldn’t have been so daring with the texts she sent him.

 

This was driving her crazy. She was obsessing over a couple of texts! They were just simple harmless texts! No double meaning. It didn’t have to mean anything at all. She had to stop over thinking this. She probably just couldn’t read his tone well enough. It’s not like they actually talked. She was probably missing something that was lost in written communication. That had to be it.

 

_He doesn’t… make me feel anything._

 

_He doesn’t make me feel anything._

 

She was sure that when she saw him in person, it would all be clear to her. She would find him as irritating as ever, and she wouldn’t doubt that their relationship was merely mutual tolerance. In the meantime, she would just have to stop the confusing texting. There was no point in complicating her life.

 

She shook her head and shoved her phone back in her pocket. She marched back to the stand, determined to forget about this whole thing. Jesse was still talking with the clerk when she returned at his side. He turned to her.

 

“I just found out that I could change my payment plan and save 25 bucks a month!” he said victoriously. “It was worth coming with you today. Did you find something that you liked?”

 

Casey didn’t answer right away. Her silence stretched long enough for Jesse to sigh and hang his head in loving exasperation. “You never needed a new phone, did you?”

 

She had the decency to look embarrassed as she shrugged.

 

 

**. . .**

 

 

As she had decided to ignore Derek, it only stood to reason that, in true Derek fashion, he wouldn’t let her. His next text came two days later.

 

**[ THIS IS A FAMILY EMERGENCY CALL ME ]**

 

Now, knowing Derek, one might think that she shouldn’t call him, that it was just a ruse. But Casey didn’t mess with family emergencies. She wouldn’t take the chance to ignore an emergency text just because it came from her obnoxious and opportunistic step-brother. Plus… he wasn’t fifteen anymore, he’d matured since then, right?

 

So she called.

 

He picked up.

 

“Do you think I should dye my hair again?”

 

His voice filled her ear in the most unbothered voice Casey had ever heard coming from him, and he was usually pretty nonchalant by nature, so she knew, she just _knew_ , that he did it on purpose and _he_ knew what he was doing. She felt her jaw tighten as she narrowed her eyes at the empty wall.

 

“DE-REK!” she hissed between clenched teeth.

 

“I swear, it’s a life or death situation.” She could practically hear the smirk forming on his face as he let go of his collected mask.

 

“Derek, you can’t just claim a family emergency to get me to call you,” she seethed.

 

“Aw, come on. You’ve been ignoring me almost all week. Can’t blame a guy for trying,” he answered calmly.

 

“Maybe I’ve been ignoring you for a reason,” she huffed.

 

“And I’m sure it’s a very good reason too…”

 

“I don’t want to talk to you!” she almost exploded.

 

“Why?” he asked, his voice unconcerned, she could tell, in a calculated way.

 

“Because…”

 

The question made her pause, though. Why didn’t she? Well, she knew why, but she couldn’t just tell him. She couldn’t tell him that the almost domesticity of their texts confused her, that she was freaking out over the fact that they had been _flirting_ , even though, it seemed, he hadn’t noticed any of it. Or maybe he thought his behaviour was normal and she was imagining everything. She tried to recover quickly.

 

“Because I never _want_ to talk to you,” she said, sounding weak to her ears.

 

“But what if I want to talk to you?” he said, just a tiny bit softer than normal.

 

That’s when she realized. She was talking to him. She was hearing his voice, for the first time since Christmas. If the thought wasn’t unnerving enough (was it the anticipation?), he just had to use that gravelly tone to his voice, the one that’d always made her extremities tingle (and then want to throw up when she realized her inappropriate reaction to him.)

 

And she was faced with the fact that he did, indeed, make her feel something.

 

She suddenly felt helpless. She didn’t know what to do about this. Was she supposed to ignore it until it went away? But what if it didn’t? What if, for a minute, she could be honest with herself and admit that this wasn’t new, that this had been going on for the better part of twelve years, and all it had done was grow with time, like neglected vines, slowly wrapping around her until she couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. What if there was no way out of it? What if the quiet longing became something more, something more tangible that she couldn’t ignore anymore?

 

Her vision blurred. She couldn’t remember how to breathe. How could she let this happen? How could she do this to Jesse? To their family? She couldn’t keep this up. She had to cut through those suffocating vines.

 

“I can’t…”

 

“Case?”

 

She frowned at the carpet.

 

“Um…” she tried.

 

She focused on breathing.

 

“Casey?”

 

“I can’t talk to you right now.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m… at rehearsal, I can’t talk right now,” she shot in the dark.

 

He didn’t seem convinced. “O…kay?”

 

She didn’t know what else to say. So she just breathed, until she couldn’t take the silence anymore, and hung up.

 

She tightened her grip on her phone, her pulse jumping with the angry rush of blood through her veins. Her heart was beating out of sync.

 

She blinked.

 

What now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this will probably be the shortest chapter, the rest is getting Out Of Control. You can probably expect chapter three next week-end. I'm trying to space out the chapters I already have written so that y'all don't end up waiting like three months for an update xoxo.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is like... the length of the first two chapters combined (I have no idea how chapters work???). I planned on posting it a couple of days ago but I've been way too tired to go over and edit it so just... I'm just going to post it as it is y'all just take this garbage away from me.

Derek didn’t text her after that. And she didn’t text him either, obviously, because she definitely over reacted and this was the most embarrassing moment of her life. But it was also like a slap in the face, waking her up and forcing her to acknowledge all of her sins, and she felt so guilty, like she had no business feeling the way she did. And how could she do this to Jesse, of all people, the one guy who never blinked an eye in the face of all her… _Caseyness_.

 

She needed to tell him. She had to, because even if it cut them both into tiny pieces, she owed him that, at least, to tell him the truth.

 

She wanted to tell him. She really did. And she was going to. In fact, she had tried multiple times. But every time, his phone rang like it knew something. And he always had to pick up, because it was always work and he was the only manager in charge, and her resolve faltered with each failed attempt.

 

It didn’t help her feel less guilty when she had lunch with Sally, and Sally would ask her what was wrong, because she could obviously tell that something was bothering her. Thankfully, Casey could brush it off by saying that she was nervous about the play, which was approaching so fast, it was only one week away! She felt like she was going to vibrate out of her skin.

 

“You know what you need?” Sally said helpfully.

 

“A lobotomy?” Casey muttered.

 

“No,” Sally chastised. “You need a girls night!”

 

Casey perked up at the idea. “That’s such a great idea!”

 

“I know! You should come to my place after work tonight!”

 

“That sounds great!”

 

“Ooooh and then we can make face masks, and watch rom coms,” Sally started enumerating, Casey’s smile grew wider in anticipation, “and talk about boys!”

 

“Oh! Are there some possible suitors in your life?” Casey asked excitedly.

 

Sally faltered a little bit, “well not really…”

 

“Oh.”

 

“But there’s tons of boys to talk about!”

 

“Sure,” Casey said, unsure.

 

“There’s Jesse!”

 

“I mean yes but… we talk about him all the time.”

 

“That guy from your play, the lead actor!”

 

“I don’t… really have anything to say about him? Except that he keeps forgetting his lines and it’s exasperating.”

 

“Or Derek!” Sally offered, as if anything about Derek was interesting or relevant.

 

Casey made a disgusted face. “Derek?”

 

“Uh-huh!” Sally said, unphased.

 

“You want to talk about Derek?”

 

“Don’t you?” Sally asked, eyes curious and also… a little unsure… maybe sad? Casey remembered last week, and _he was the love of her life_ , and _I’m over it now_ , and how it seemed like maybe Sally still had feelings for Derek and Casey couldn’t deny Sally anything, even if it made her uncomfortable, because her feelings really weren’t relevant if her friend was in pain. So if Sally wanted to talk about Derek, then Casey would have to suck it up.

 

“If you want to, sure.” Casey smiled.

 

Sally narrowed her eyes thoughtfully at her, as if she was analyzing her response. She pursed her lips, but then seemed to ultimately accept it and nodded. “Then it’s decided! Girls night!”

 

An apprehensive _yay_ echoed in Casey’s mind. Why did it seem like the harder she tried to avoid Derek, the harder he was to avoid?

 

**. . .**

 

 

“I swear, I’m this close to just giving up on relationships altogether,” Sally declared as she pulled her hair up in a bun, kind of like Casey’s. They were already halfway through their second bottle of wine.

 

Sally had offered Casey a change of clothes the second she’d stepped into her apartment, and they had dived right into a bottle of wine, putting on a romantic movie that they had both seen a thousand times as they chatted casually.

 

By the end of the movie, they’d finished their first bottle and they were splayed on the couch comfortably, in their tanks and shorts, their legs sort of tangling together in the middle. Casey thought this was nice. It’d been a while since she’d spent time with a girl friend. She still talked with Emily, but distance prevented them from having these kinds of nights. It was nice, being close like this, the casual proximity, skin touching, sharing warmth as they let the alcohol dull their feelings and aching hearts.

 

Sally had started talking about her ex. Some guy who’d lead her on, or something. Casey wasn’t sure, actually. Sally had been kind of vague about the actual story. But in the end, Sally had been disappointed.

 

“Aw, come on, don’t say that. I’m sure you’ll find the one, eventually,” Casey said, reaching out to pat Sally’s thigh.

 

“I thought I had,” Sally sighed. Something told Casey that Sally wasn’t talking about her ex, although she couldn’t be sure why.

 

“The one isn’t always the one we think,” Casey ventured, just pushing words out of her mouth at this point. She felt kind of numb.

 

“I guess you would know,” Sally said, seeming to accept Casey’s superior knowledge on the subject. Casey frowned. She wasn’t sure she understood.

 

“I would know?” Casey repeated quizzically. Sally shifted. As she moved, Casey’s hand fell from her leg.

 

“Oh, just, you know. You and Jesse are getting kinda serious,” Sally rushed. She couldn’t see her face, as she was currently staring at the ceiling, but something in Sally’s tone made Casey think she was backtracking.

 

“We’ve been together for eight years, of course we’re serious,” she said calmly.

 

She wasn’t really offended by what Sally said. If it had been coming from anyone else, she might have been, because _, hello, eight years_ , that’s not just _kinda_ serious. But it didn’t have anything malicious to it. In fact, Casey knew that Sally had just said that because she was covering and scrambling with her words. Also, Casey’s brain was too mushy to take offence.

 

“And you’ve never… had doubts?” Sally asked.

 

“Doubts?”

 

“In eight years, you’ve never doubted that he was the one for you?”

 

“I…”

 

Casey tried focusing on the ceiling, but it was just a huge grey blur. Or maybe that’s just what the ceiling looked like? There wasn’t much to focus on there. So she sat up on her elbows and looked over at Sally at the other end of the couch. Sally was looking at her, her head propped up on the arm of the couch, an arm behind her neck and the other one resting on her stomach.

 

“No… I don’t think so…”

 

Something flashed in Sally’s eyes. Was it pain? Pity? It was just as confusing as the small smile she was giving her.

 

“That must be nice,” Sally said. They were silent for a while, then she continued. “The last guys I’ve been with… it was like… I _knew_ it wouldn’t last. For some reason. And it wasn’t really a problem,” she frowned, “it didn’t really bother me. But I just knew. They wouldn’t be the ones I’d settle down with. And I was okay with that.”

 

Casey nodded. It sort of made sense? She figured, you couldn’t expect all of your relationships to be the be all end all. It made her kind of sad though, that Sally hadn’t experienced the certainty that she had felt with Jesse. But really, she’d just sort of never thought about it. Never second guessed it. Until recently. Until…

 

“Until I saw Derek again,” Sally said. Casey was pulled out of her thoughts, the way Sally’s words echoed them too perfectly making her kind of uncomfortable. Her heart jumped.

 

“You saw Derek?”

 

“This winter,” Sally whined, then sighed. “And it was…” she trailed off.

 

She sat up abruptly, untangling her legs from Casey’s and reaching for the bottle of wine to fill up her glass. She offered to fill Casey’s, but Casey said she was fine. Sally fell back into the couch, putting her legs up on the coffee table. She had really long legs, Casey realized. Sally was taller than her, she knew that, but she’d never focused on the length of her legs. They looked strong, stronger than they should be if all someone did with her day was painting. Although Sally’s whole family seemed to be into sports, so she probably at least went to the gym or something. “It was just so easy, you know,” Sally said, taking Casey out of her thoughts again. The wine was really going to her head.

 

“Being together again,” Sally continued, “it came so naturally. Like we never really forgot how. And it doesn’t have to be complicated at all.”

 

Casey couldn’t relate to this at all. Not when it came to Derek, anyway. Easy. Uncomplicated. That was so wildly _not_ the kind of relationship that she had with him. She snorted. “Now _that_ must be nice,” she said, almost too bitterly.

 

“I know,” Sally drawled, “Derek and emotional maturity don’t really add up in your head, but. He’s really grown up. Plus, it never really seemed to matter, when he was with me, we could always meet halfway.”

 

Was it weird? Casey wondered. That the girl in front of her obviously had feelings for Derek too, and she was okay with it? Like they weren’t competing for him, just accepting the space where they both belonged in his life. She wasn’t jealous that Sally had something that Casey could never dare to dream of having with him. Well, not exactly. She didn’t resent Sally, at least. But maybe she wished she could… have something different, better… easier, with him. And she couldn’t quite convince herself that all she wanted was that same brother/sister bond that he seemed to have developed with Lizzie, but never with her.

 

“You’re right,” Casey sighed. “It really doesn’t add up in my head. He could never meet me halfway. It’s always about pushing, or pulling, about who’s on top, but it’s never fair or equal or easy. Why can’t he be that way with me?” and as she realized that she was ranting and probably saying things she shouldn’t be saying, she rushed to amend it, “I mean – not like -“

 

“Are you?” Sally interrupted.

 

Casey paused. She shifted, sitting up as well and tucking her legs underneath herself as she wrapped her arms around her middle. “Am I what?”

 

“That way with him?” Sally said, meeting her eyes as she reached out, brushing her fingertips against Casey’s knee.

 

“It’s not like he makes it easy,” Casey defended weakly. He was always bugging her, pranking her, making her life harder than it should be. From the very first time they’d met, he had made it about hostility and deception. He’d tried to push her out of his house, ridiculed her at school and just been generally mean and rude towards her. That was the root of their relationship, he’d pushed her away, made it so the gap between them was impossible to bridge.

 

Although… that wasn’t completely fair, was it? She hadn’t wanted to be there just as much as he hadn’t wanted her there. They had come to understand, quite quickly, that their personalities wouldn’t mesh, that they were too different to get along, and yet…

 

And yet they had. On occasion, they had gotten along. Shared a few moments of complicity that they could always pretend was nothing more than working together only in the pursuit of similar goals. Even though they both knew it was much, much more.

 

She thought about their texting. How it had been so _easy_ to talk to him through those walls of text that she hadn’t realized she had been constantly doing it. And maybe, it wasn’t as hard as she pretended it was, as complicated as she made it out to be.

 

Was she making it so? Did she make this so difficult? Was she the one that put the wall between them? She had to admit that he hadn’t been quite antagonizing her lately as he used to, but that didn’t really mean anything. It was just texts. After all, they hadn’t actually _seen_ each other in months, she reminded herself. What would it be like, to see him next time, now that she had these new thoughts and confusing feelings towards him? Would she make it even harder for him to reach her?

 

Was she… could she be that way with him? Relaxed. Easy going. Joking around. Not suspicious of everything he said or did. The way she could be with Jesse.

 

Oh, right. Jesse.

 

She remembered about Jesse, and flushed, embarrassed that she had indulged in thinking about Derek that way, because, _oh hey Casey remember your boyfriend???_

 

“Of course, he doesn’t make it easy,” Sally reassured, apparently taking her flushing as guilt. Which it was. But, just, a whole different kind of guilt. “Derek is… well, he’s _Derek_. And you’re _Casey_. I wouldn’t have you, or him, any other way. You guys have that constant back and forth thing. It’s your thing. He pulls, you push. You pull, he pushes. That’s how it works. Sometimes. Sometimes it works, Casey. It can be easy if you let it be.” She was looking at her with such an open expression, so certain, so determined to make her understand. “And just think,” she continued softly, “when it doesn’t work, maybe… could it be that when he’s pushing, and you should be pulling, that you’re pushing back instead?”

 

Casey looked down, unable to meet Sally’s eyes. Her gaze fell on the fingers brushing down her calf. The touch was so light she barely felt it, unlike the guilt in her gut, twisting as a new realization hit her. That she and Derek could be in sync. But it was always a game of chance, a lucky (or unlucky) turn of events, that they had forgotten their childish rivalry in order to work perfectly together. Or maybe… maybe it was just instinct. Maybe they had always known how, falling into that synchronicity naturally, until one of them noticed and had to break it up, because there would be _implications_ and then… then they couldn’t pretend anymore. And that would be a disaster.

 

“I don’t think that I should,” Casey admitted in a whisper. “What if… what if I stop pushing back and, and _something_ happens and…”

 

“We’re all scared, Casey. Maybe Derek is scared too.”

 

Casey snorted louder at that. Sally giggled.

 

“I swear!” Sally said, her defence kind of losing credibility as she tried to suppress her laughter. “There’s a reason he’s so emotionally repressed. He’s scared!”

 

“You must be drunk,” Casey said, reaching for Sally’s glass and holding it far away from her. “There’s no other reason for your delusions. I am cutting you off.”

 

Sally continued laughing. “I am not,” she hiccupped, “not that drunk!”

 

Casey raised an eyebrow at her but Sally ignored it.

 

“And it’s true! It’s because of his whole _mommy issues_ ,” Sally pressed on, gesturing incoherently like that gave weight to her argument. All it did was make her knock over Casey’s half finished glass on the table, and spill wine everywhere. Casey shrieked and jumped up and, in her drunken haze, spilled Sally’s glass that she was holding all over herself.

 

The shocked silence lasted about ten seconds. Then they were both laughing. Sally covered her mouth with both hands, eyes filling with tears, as she tried to contain herself. Casey fell back on the couch in indignation, shoulders shaking as she giggled. The ridiculousness of the moment had shattered all previous seriousness, and Casey felt kind of comforted by that. Because she wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with all of it.

 

“O-okay,” Sally said, taking deep breaths as she tried to sober up, “okay. I’ll clean this up. You can go find a change of clothes in my room.” She pushed herself up determinedly and headed towards the kitchen.

 

Casey watched her go then looked back at the mess. She sighed and shook her head. She hadn’t been that clumsy in years! And this was not even her fault! She really shouldn’t feel embarrassed about it. She quelled her need to apologize and got up, deciding that wine stains really weren’t a relevant fashion statement. So she went to Sally’s room and changed.

 

She ended up picking an old beaten up band t-shirt that probably belonged to an ex or something because it was way too big to be Sally’s, but was perfectly comfy for sleep. It was long enough that she didn’t need to put pants underneath it. It wasn’t like she had anyone to impress at this point. She held the stained clothes in her hands, trying to decide if she should attempt to dabble with bleach in her state or just let it be.

 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll take care of this later,” Sally said, saving Casey from herself and a potential bleach poisoning, as she came back from the kitchen. She took the clothes from her and threw them into the laundry room, opening the door just a tiny crack so that Casey could barely see a few mounting piles of dirty clothes behind the door. “I’m behind on laundry anyway,” she assured hurriedly. Casey thought she sounded nervous, but brushed it off. After all, Casey felt that way when she had people over and had fallen behind on chores too. She didn’t want to embarrass Sally.

 

“Thanks,” Casey said gratefully, returning Sally’s wide smile. It got awkward after a few seconds, so she looked around the room, drumming her fingers on her thighs. She noticed Sally had finished cleaning up the mess in the living room.

 

“I can’t believe you chose that shirt,” Sally said, bringing Casey’s attention back to her, “it’s one of my favourites for sleeping too.”

 

Casey looked down, as if noticing for the first time that she was even wearing a shirt, even though she’d put it on only a few minutes ago. “Oh, it just looked comfortable,” she said. She squinted at it. It seemed familiar now that she was paying attention.

 

“It is. It’s comforting too. Still smells like him.”

 

 _Still smells like_ … She picked up the collar and sniffed it. It _was_ a comforting smell. It was mostly cologne, a scent that she had gotten used to over the years and kind of associated with home. Suddenly she was sixteen years old again. A soft “Oh” escaped her mouth as she let go of the collar.

 

“It looks good on you,” Sally offered, still smiling.

 

Casey shuffled her feet awkwardly, and she realized that they were still standing in front of the closed laundry room door. “Do you, um, want to watch another movie?” Casey asked, gesturing to the living room as she made a bee line for the couch, having found the courage to move again.

 

She sat on a damp spot and pushed herself farther into the corner, putting her legs up beside her as she resumed her earlier position. Her hands balled into the shirt, the soft fabric burning the skin of her palms.

 

 _This was Derek’s shirt_. She had picked Derek’s shirt. She really, really tried to convince herself that it was just a coincidence, or a cosmic joke, maybe, that it wasn’t a slip from her subconscious. She suddenly felt sick, kind of light headed, her tight hold on the shirt the only thing grounding her.

 

Sally flopped down on the couch next to her. “Casey?”

 

Her head was swimming, juggling memories of late nights in a dark kitchen, subtle touches, and meaningful glances. She remembered one time, when they’d been standing so close that she could smell him, and he’d smelled just like the shirt she was wearing right now. That smell was wrapping around her like a warm blanket. It felt so nice it made her shiver.

 

A body pressed against her side, and Sally was wrapping herself around her, the smell of wine and peach scented shampoo mixing with that of Derek’s cologne, and it was an oddly perfect mix, overwhelmingly so, and she shivered again. “It’s okay,” Sally said, tightening her arms around Casey. And she realized, as her whole body trembled, that she hadn’t been shivering at all. Her eyes were blurry, her cheeks felt damp, and all of her senses were dulled until all she could feel was the warmth of Sally’s embrace, and the smell of peaches and old spice.

 

**. . .**

 

 

Casey woke up with a sharp pain in her neck. She tried to shake it off, but she was unable to move. There was a heavy weight on top of her, not quite crushing her, but keeping her from moving her limbs. She opened her sore eyes slowly, blinking against the sunlight streaming through the half-closed curtains. She felt a pressure against her temples that could only be from a hangover and she groaned against the pain, really wishing that she could get to a glass of water right now. She shifted, and the weight on top of her stirred, humming softly, a warm breath blowing against the side of her neck.

 

She looked down, and all she could see was long blonde hair splayed over her chest, as Sally’s face was buried into the crook of her neck. Sally had her arms wrapped around her waist and their legs tangled together. They’d fallen asleep some time after Sally had calmed her down, whispering soothing words into Casey’s ear as she sobbed.

 

Her heart squeezed, her head pounded. She couldn’t make sense out of everything that happened. She couldn’t understand why Sally had held her as she’d cried her heart out about a guy, like it was nothing, like it was simply the normal thing to do, when they both felt the same way about him, and everything was so fucked up.

 

A swell of affection surged within her for the woman in her arms. A woman who was so warm that she could do nothing but comfort a crying friend whom she should loathe, simply on principle, because she’d probably betrayed her somehow, by feeling the way she did. But Sally didn’t. Casey knew, with certitude, that Sally still loved her and somehow _understood_. Everything. And she felt warm inside, knowing that.

 

Her fingers found their way into Sally’s hair, brushing them gently out of her face. Sally only buried her head deeper into Casey’s neck, probably hiding from the soft light in the room. Sally’s mouth was at her ear as she whispered, “hey sleepyhead.”

 

Casey giggled. “Hey, you too.”

 

Sally groaned and rubbed her face into the couch cushion. “What time is it?” her voice came out raspy.

 

“I don’t know. I would tell you, but I can’t reach my phone,” she pushed her arm out towards the coffee table, where her phone rested, ineffectively.

 

Sally looked up, her face scrunched up with sleep and pouted at the unreachable cell phone. “Why is it so far away?” she whined.

 

“It wouldn’t be if I could move,” Casey teased.

 

She laughed as Sally looked down at her quizzically and watched as her face slowly lit up in understanding. “Oh,” Sally breathed, and pushed herself up in a sitting position on Casey’s legs.

 

Casey pulled her feet out from under Sally and picked up her phone. She yawned, rubbing her eyes, as she checked the screen in her hand. She had a couple of texts from Jesse asking how the night was going. “It’s almost ten,” she said. She looked over at Sally and smirked. Sally’s hair was a ruffled mess, sticking every which way, her shirt was riding up a little, and she looked completely sleep deprived. “Nice bed head,” she laughed.

 

Sally’s hand came up to rub down her face dejectedly. She groaned but said nothing.

 

“Wow, someone’s not a morning person,” Casey sing-songed.

 

“I’m really not,” Sally laughed, and hung her head.

 

“Awww,” Casey cooed, reaching out to rub Sally’s back soothingly. “Would it make it better if I made you some pancakes for breakfast?”

 

Sally looked up, “God, yes! Please!”

 

So they had breakfast, and it was mostly quiet and pleasant. They just made small talk, talking about the weather and pancake recipes, as Sally woke up more fully, then switched to topics like work and art and life in New York City. Casey couldn’t express how grateful she was that Sally didn’t bring up last night’s breakdown.

 

She couldn’t explain it. It was probably the last couple of weeks of tension finally bursting out. But she really didn’t want to mull it over right now.

 

“Your apartment is nice,” Casey offered as she took her empty dishes to the sink and started scrubbing. It was small, but cute. It was a two bedroom apartment, one of them Sally used as her studio for painting. The entrance was in the living room, from which you could see the kitchen in the open top of the wall between the two rooms. The bathroom was big enough to fit one person, but everything seemed new, from the floorboards to the sink to the kitchen cabinets. It looked expensive.

 

“Thanks,” Sally answered, “I guess it’s nice to finally have a job that allows me to afford an apartment that isn’t crumbling down,” she laughed.

 

“Your last place was that bad, huh?”

 

Sally shrugged. “Life of a struggling artist,” she explained. She joined Casey at the sink and helped drying the now clean dishes. “Thanks for breakfast.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Casey smiled up at Sally. “And, um. Thanks. For last night.”

 

“Don’t mention it,” Sally said with a knowing smile.

 

“Do you want some help with the laundry? I feel so bad for ruining your clothes.”

 

“No, it’s fine!” Sally said abruptly, then amended. “There’s a lot, it’s kinda been piling up, you don’t have to help.”

 

“Are you sure?” Casey said, frowning. “I don’t mind, I shared a house with Derek, I’m used to old laundry piling up.”

 

“No, really,” Sally insisted, “it’s just my thing. I like doing it myself. Don’t worry about it.”

 

“Okay,” Casey said, letting it go. She finished washing and gave the last mug to Sally to dry and put away.

 

Then Sally’s phone rang.

 

Casey looked over and saw the name on the screen before Sally picked up. “Hey, you!” she gushed into the phone. Casey looked away. She’d avoided Derek so far. Of course he’d show up into her day somehow. “Delayed?” Sally said sadly, the smile gone from her voice. “No, I understand,” she sighed.

 

Unable to just stand there and listen to their conversation, Casey decided to leave the kitchen and find something to do with herself. She could start with getting dressed, she thought, as she looked down at her bare legs.

 

When she came back, now wearing her own clothes and feeling a lot less _naked_ , Sally had hung up and was putting away the rest of the clean dishes.

 

“Oh,” Sally said as she put a mug back in its place, “so I know it’s your opening night next week-end, and you’re probably super busy, but there’s this evening at the gallery on Wednesday night, kind of a soirée, meet the artist kind of thing.” She was leaning on the counter, wringing her hands nervously. “And I was wondering if you would like to come with me?”

 

“You’re inviting me?” Casey said dumbly. She hadn’t expected this, but ultimately, she was grateful to be avoiding _the other subject_ once again.

 

“Uh-huh!” Sally nodded.

 

Casey blinked. “Yeah! Of course, I’d love to go!”

 

“Oooh! Awesome!” Sally hopped into place and hugged Casey quickly. “I’m so glad you said yes. There will be like, tons of famous artists and critics and I was just so nervous to go on my own.”

 

“It’s… It’ll be an honour,” Casey said, eyes wide. She would be meeting famous artists, possibly artists that she admired, this was a huge opportunity. She wasn’t really looking into netting influential people anymore, since she had quit dancing and gotten into med school, but making connexions never hurt. Sally grinned.

 

“I’ll get to give you a tour of the gallery. Maybe even have a peek at the exposition I’m working on,” she started ranting, clearly excited. “I helped out with organizing the soirée, and I found these fancy string lights that really set the mood, I think you’ll really like it!”

 

“I can’t wait!” Casey said just as excitedly.

 

**. . .**

 

 

“So it’s a date?” Jesse said as he entered the bedroom. Casey stopped in the middle of putting on eye shadow and glared at his reflection in the mirror.

 

“She invited me because she didn’t want to go alone. We’re going as friends,” she informed him.

 

He grinned and took off the towel from around his waist, throwing it on the bed. Casey didn’t look away. She’d gotten used to his lack of modesty. He just liked walking around naked, and she really couldn’t find a reason to complain. He looked _good_. “And you’re dressing up just for a friend? You don’t put all that effort for me anymore. Should I be worried?”

 

She knew he was teasing, but she couldn’t help the way her shoulders tensed slightly. She covered by raising an eyebrow and saying, “Maybe.”

 

He laughed. “I’ll keep an eye out for Sally, then. Although she didn’t strike me as a home wrecker.”

 

“Beware the nice ones,” she smirked, looking back at her own reflection to finish up her make up.

 

“It’s a shame I have to train the new guy tonight. I’d come with you just to make sure she doesn’t try anything.”

 

“If it makes you feel better, we were planning on coming back for a drink afterwards,” she said, smiling as she looked at Jesse’s reflection again. He had jeans on and was putting on deodorant.

 

He met her eyes and smiled. “Then I might be able to get off early to join you.”

 

“That would be nice. I think Sally likes you.”

 

“Oh, so it’s a threesome she wants, then,” he said, his smile turning into a smirk as his eyes sparkled devilishly.

 

“Down, boy.”

 

“I’m just saying, I’m down.”

 

“Of course you are.”

 

He sat on the bed and lifted one of his legs up, wincing as he flexed.

 

“Does that still hurt?” Casey asked, concerned.

 

“Not usually. I kind of missed a step when I came up from the cellar yesterday.”

 

Casey turned around instantly. “Are you okay?”

 

Jesse looked at her from the corner of his eye, with an exasperated but fond expression. “Yes, I’m okay. I didn’t fall or anything. I’m just a little sore.”

 

She made her way to the bed and pulled herself up on her knees beside him. She put a hand on his cheek to turn his face towards her. Leaning on his shoulder with her other hand, she leaned down to press her lips against his temple. “Take care of yourself, okay?” she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want to repeat last time.”

 

“Me neither,” he said, putting both of his hands over hers and threading their fingers. He looked right into her eyes. “I’m fine.”

 

She believed him. He wouldn’t lie if he wasn’t.

 

“Okay,” she said, leaning down to kiss him. She pulled back and let her hands fall into her lap. “You didn’t tell me you hired a new guy.”

 

“It was kind of a spur of the moment thing,” he said, shrugging. “I had to fire Rick, because the guy didn’t show up for half of his shifts. And the boss is still on vacation, so I have to take care of everything. I have my hands full as it is, so with one less employee…”

 

“I get it. I’m glad you hired someone instead of overworking yourself,” Casey said fondly.

 

“I’m too old for that, to be honest,” Jesse said, getting up and grabbing a shirt. “I’ll leave that to the young and restless.”

 

“Didn’t you used to be one?” Casey asked.

 

“Used to,” Jesse pointed out. “Now I’m nothing but a wrinkly old man,” he joked, pulling on the hem of his tight-fitted shirt. He looked _nothing_ like a wrinkly old man.

 

“I’ll make sure to write that on your birthday cake. Right next to the big three oh.”

 

“It’s a long way till December. By then you’ll have plenty of chances to tease me with how old I’m getting.”

 

“I’ll be on the look out for those gray hairs,” she grinned.

 

Jesse laughed and caught her as she was about to crawl off the bed, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Good luck with that,” he said and slapped her ass gently. She squealed.

 

“Oh, it’ll be easier than you think,” she said, shoving her hands into his thick hair. “Your hair’s getting pretty long. Soon you’ll need a hair tie to keep them out of your face.”

 

His hand joined hers into his hair as he assessed the situation. “That’s kind of what I’m going for, to be honest.”

 

“You’re really going to do the whole huge beard, ponytail, hipster thing?” Casey asked skeptically.

 

He moved his hand to his beard self-consciously. “You really think my beard is getting huge?”

 

“I think it’s just right,” she said, and brushed her nose over his, before whispering, “and you’d look hot with a ponytail.”

 

He laughed.

 

**. . .**

 

 

Later, Casey met up with Sally at _Blackstone’s_ , because it was closer to the gallery than Sally’s apartment, then they walked to the gallery together. As they reached the building, Sally grabbed her hand and lead her through the throng crowding the entrance.

 

As she followed her, Casey noticed the back of Sally’s dress. It was a simple green cocktail dress, the front with a high neckline, but sagging low at the back, falling just in the middle of her waist. The top was linked from side to side with a delicate silver chain that dangled on her bare back. It looked sophisticated and just a little bit daring.

 

They reached the main room, and Sally took Casey around the room, introducing her to all the important people with ease.

 

“Casey,” Sally said, presenting her to a tall man wearing a derby hat and sunglasses. Inside. At _night_. “This is the genius behind this whole thing, and also my boss, James Zweller.”

 

Oh. Of course he was Sally’s boss.

 

“A pleasure to meet you,” Casey said, offering her hand. Mr. Zweller shook it, a little too hard.

 

“Likewise,” he said, simply.

 

Then Sally gestured to the woman standing next to him, she had dark hair and pale skin. “And this is Jane Marsh, famous photographer and Mr. Zweller’s partner.”

 

Casey went to shake her hand. Jane went for a flute of champagne as a server passed by. “A pleasure,” she said, stiffly. Casey let her hand fall and brushed some invisible lint from her dress.

 

As if she wasn’t aware of how awkward this meeting was, Sally said, “Oh, I’ll be right back, Casey, there’s someone I need to see about something,” and left.

 

Casey kept her face neutral, trying not to show her horror at being left alone in such uncomfortable company. She looked back at Jane and Mr. Zweller, smiling politely.

 

“What do you think of the décor, Casey,” Mr. Zweller asked. It was odd, the way he said it, like he wasn’t really expecting her to answer or have an opinion of her own. “Jane here organized everything. I told her I could find someone else to do it, but she insisted on it being perfect.”

 

“It looks great,” Casey said, swallowing hard, like she wasn’t sure that was the right thing to say. She was starting to understand why Sally had been nervous at the thought of being here alone. She kind of resented being shoved under the bus, though, but she would deal with that later. She pointed at the ceiling. “I really like these string lights, they really bring the whole thing together,” she said, kind of daringly. She was here for Sally after all, and she was damned if she was going to let her friend’s hard work go unnoticed.

 

“They really do, don’t they,” Jane said, surprisingly. Casey smiled. And then, she said, “when I saw them, I knew it would be just the touch I was missing.” Casey’s smile faded.

 

“Jane has a good eye,” Mr. Zweller said. “Just like Sally does, I could tell right away, your friend is very talented. I’m looking forward to seeing what she can do.” Casey saw Jane tense up beside him.

 

“I’m sure she will blow you away,” Casey said proudly. She was relieved that, even though he looked like a complete douche, at least Sally’s boss seemed to have faith in her talent. Which, Casey suspected, Jane wasn’t pleased about. Casey had no idea why.

 

Then nobody said anything, and Casey felt her smile freeze on her face.

 

Sally came back a couple minutes later, interrupting the most uncomfortable silence of Casey’s life. “Sorry,” she said, looking around at the three of them. “I just saw Eve as she was leaving and I had to see her to confirm that her pieces will be ready on time.” The two partners only nodded.

 

Turning to Casey, Sally continued, “Eve is the artist whose work I’m showcasing. She’s really talented, I wish I could have introduced you, but she was in a hurry.”

 

“It’s okay,” Casey said, still smiling stiffly. She was hoping that Sally would pick up on her discomfort and take her away, like, right now.

 

Thankfully, Sally saw someone else across the room and dragged her away, after excusing herself once more.

 

Casey let out her breath. Sally noticed. “They’re something, aren’t they?” she said, hooking her elbow into Casey’s.

 

“Why did you leave me alone with them?” Casey whined.

 

“I’m sorry, I really had to talk to Eve. She’s like, so busy she never answers her phone.”

 

Casey sighed and looked at Sally, smiling sheepishly. “Of course, It’s your work. You don’t have to apologize. They just put me really on edge.”

 

“I know,” Sally said, patting Casey’s arm, “I promise I won’t be leaving you from now on.” Casey smiled gratefully.

 

“Did you know that Jane is taking credit for your work?” Casey asked. She couldn’t help it. She’d been too put out by the situation to say anything to Sally’s boss, but it seemed like a betrayal towards her friend if she didn’t say anything at all.

 

Sally’s grip on her arm tightened slightly as she tensed. “Don’t worry about it,” she said, taking a deep breath as her gaze travelled around the room. “I’m handling her.”

 

Casey nodded. At least Sally knew about it. From the looks of it, that was even more stuff to stress over, and Casey thought it was unfair that Sally had to deal with all of it. But it wasn’t her place to say anything.

 

She was introduced to a few more (pleasant) people, and she found that she was enjoying herself after a while. And a couple of glasses of champagne.

 

They came across one of Sally’s teacher from university, who seemed delighted to meet her there. “I knew you were bound to do great things,” the woman said, openly gushing, “I’m always happy to see that old students of mine are doing good for themselves.”

 

“I’m flattered you even remember me, Mrs. King,” Sally said, grinning at the gorgeous older woman.

 

“Nonsense!” Mrs. King exclaimed, “I always remember my best students.”

 

Sally blushed as she giggled, and Casey was taken aback by the sight. She had barely ever seen Sally blush like this. She might have caught a glimpse of that expression on Sally years ago, usually around a certain step-brother who must not be named, but otherwise, Sally was always so composed and sure of herself. Pink was a nice color on her, Casey decided. It was clear that Sally was delighted that a professor she admired thought so highly of her, and Casey was so happy for her that she couldn’t help but grin.

 

“Are you and your girlfriend staying in the city?” Mrs. King asked, looking between the two of them with an expectant smile.

 

Casey was taken aback by the question. “We don’t – we’re not,” she sputtered.

 

Sally hid her mouth as she snickered at Casey’s discomposure. “I just moved here a couple of weeks ago,” she redirected.

 

Seeming to notice their reaction to the insinuation, Mrs. King only smiled and moved on from the topic, “And how are you liking the city, dear? Is it treating you well?”

 

“It’s… um, it’s a lot to take in,” Sally laughed, “but I’m getting the hang of it. Plus, I have some great friends here to help me feel at home,” She said, and looked at Casey with a grateful smile.

 

“I’m glad to hear it,” Mrs. King said. “I wasn’t so lucky when I was your age and trying to make it big in New York City. Don’t take these things for granted, girls, believe me, the people who are there for us during those hard times are the most precious ones.”

 

Casey returned Sally’s smile. She was really glad that she could be there for her. “We won’t.”

 

“Well, it was lovely meeting you, darlings,” Mrs. King said again, “but the night isn’t getting any younger and I have a flight to catch early tomorrow morning. I must start saying my goodbyes.”

 

“Of course, thank you so much for your time, Mrs. King,” Sally said.

 

“Oh lord, you say that like we just had a business meeting,” Mrs. King put her hand on her heart, her long fingernails were painted yellow, matching her dress and complimenting her dark skin. She was regal in her appearance as much as she was in her speech. “Please, it was just as much a pleasure for me. You take care, now.” She bid farewell and walked away.

 

Sally stared a little then shook her head and looked down at Casey. “That woman was my favourite professor at university. She always carried that great aura around with her. It’s like you feel more important just by being around her.”

 

“I see what you mean,” Casey said thoughtfully. Mrs. King was a confident woman, but it looked like she took care in spreading that around, boosting people up and making them feel good about themselves. Casey could see why Sally adored her.

 

They were silent for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company as they looked around the room and listened to the music changing from aggressive dub step to some dance remix of a popular song.

 

“You know what I’d like to do?” Sally turned towards Casey abruptly. “I’d like to dance!” She took her hand and pulled her to the center of the room where people were dancing. Casey laughed and let herself be dragged away, swaying easily to the even beat. Sally turned around and took both of Casey’s hands, linking their fingers together as she moved her hips from side to side, grinning. She opened her arms wide as she turned on herself, pulling Casey in with her and they ended up in face to face again, at arms length. Then she pulled her in again, their chest bumped, and she pushed her arms out once more. They laughed and Casey let Sally lead her into her dance, indulging her friend in her good mood. It was Sally’s night after all.

 

After a few songs, they were ecstatic, breathless. They were still laughing, high on the adrenaline of dancing, when Sally took Casey’s hand once more to lead her away from the dance floor. They left the main room and stepped into a dark hallway with multiple doors behind which Casey assumed were working offices. Sally opened one that lead to a staircase. “Come on,” she said, “I want to show you what I’ve been working on.”

 

They climbed to the next floor and walked down another long corridor. Sally opened a door to the left and entered a dark room. Casey couldn’t see anything, there weren’t any windows. She felt strangely safe, comforted by Sally’s hold on her hand. She could tell that they were walking along a wall as Sally felt for what she assumed was the light switch. When she found it, she flicked it and the lights turned on. It took a second for Casey’s eyes to get used to it.

 

Then Sally’s hand left hers as she stepped into the room, looking around, admiring her work, before turning around towards Casey arms stretching outwards, gesturing at the whole room. “So? What do you think?”

 

Casey forced herself to look away from Sally and looked around. The room was round with two large pillars in the middle. Big canvas were hanging on the walls, holding larger than life renditions of photographs, each of them illuminated in just the right way by their own spotlight. The artist’s main subjects were people, or bits of people. A strand of hair blowing in the wind, a hand reaching out for another, legs tangling with each other. Sally had taken advantage of the room’s shape to arrange the photographs in a sequence, Casey noticed as she walked around the room. They told a story.

 

Casey’s heart swelled as she looked at the pictures, the photographer’s reverence to her subject obvious in the way the pictures were taken, as if even that small part of a person, the corner of their lips, the crook of their elbow, was so important that she worshipped it. The angles were just right, somehow giving feeling, emotion to a simple limb. The way this person’s legs were crossed expressing sensuality, and that hand, waiting, open, was desperate for touch, and the side of a neck, exposed, shoulder relaxed, asking to be kissed.

 

Casey blushed, kind of feeling like she was intruding on something, but also unable to look away. It felt like she was having an intimate moment with someone she loved, taking her time and paying attention to all their tender spots and pieces. It felt like lovemaking.

 

When she reached the last picture, she closed her eyes, her head spinning in the most delightful way. She wasn’t sure if she was still high from dancing with Sally earlier, or if the pictures were just that powerful that they affected her that way. Maybe it was a mix of both.

 

She opened her eyes again and found Sally still standing in the middle of the room, in between the two pillars. There were soft curtains drawn around them. Deep purples, thin satin, sparkling as they wrapped around the pillars almost erotically. Casey had never experienced something like this. She breathed deeply. The room even smelled like freshly cut roses.

 

“It’s…” Casey breathed, walking slowly towards Sally as she took in the whole effect of the room, peeking at a random picture of someone’s mouth. She looked back at Sally’s mouth. “Beautiful.”

 

Sally’s mouth stretched into a wide smile, causing crinkles to form at the corners, pink lips revealing white teeth.

 

Casey’s heart was pounding away as she got closer to Sally. Then, she could feel her breath on her face, gentle fingers brush against her cheek, a forehead resting against hers. “I’m so glad you came with me tonight,” Sally whispered.

 

She still smelled like wine and peaches.

 

“Me too,” Casey whispered back. She closed her eyes, letting the moment wrap around her. For that moment, it was just her and Sally in a dark room as nothing else existed around them, stretching indefinitely. It lasted forever.

 

And it didn’t last long enough.

 

Soon, too soon, the breath that was warming her face went away as Sally pulled back, slowly, but still too fast, and the moment dissolved, piece by piece. And Casey was left standing in front of Sally, feeling fuller and emptier than she had ever felt.

 

“I’m glad you like it,” Sally said, her eyes searching Casey’s, like she’d felt it too and was looking for the same feelings to show on Casey’s face. They must have been, surely, she must have seen it.

 

“It’s amazing, Sally,” Casey said, truthfully.

 

Then Sally stopped searching. If she found what she’d been looking for, Casey couldn’t tell. Sally just kept smiling and gently took her hand. “Let’s go.”

 

They left the room and the moment. Casey suddenly wished she’d brought a jacket.

 

**. . .**

 

They went back to _Blackstone’s_ afterwards. Jesse was leaning against the counter, back turned to the whole room and talking to another guy, about Jesse’s height, who looked taken in by what he was saying. Jesse patted him on the arm, squeezing a little in what seemed like a reassuring gesture, then turned back around, still talking, to wipe the counter with the towel he seemed to always have on his shoulder.

 

He looked up, noticed Casey staring at him and smiled. She felt her cheeks burn and smiled back as she passed by, following Sally into their (now usual) booth.

 

“You know what we need?” Sally said as she plopped down into her seat.

 

This sounded familiar to Casey, and she opened her mouth to respond, when Sally interrupted, holding up her finger.

 

“Still not a lobotomy,” she said imperiously. “Shots!”

 

Casey laughed.

 

“Tons of shots!” Sally continued, her voice high enough to alert Jesse over at the bar. She waved him over. The place was empty, as it usually was on a Wednesday night, except for a couple of regulars. “It’s Casey’s opening this week-end. She needs to relax and she needs it now!” Sally declared. “First round on me!”

 

Jesse chuckled. “That sounds like a great idea. She’s been on edge for the last two weeks.” He gave her a pointed look. Casey shrunk in her seat.

 

“I’m not stressed out right now!” she whined indignantly.

 

“We need a good reason for drinking, Casey, take one for the team!” Sally said. “You’ll join us, won’t you, Jesse?

 

“It’s your lucky day, I’m off in a few minutes. I’ll make sure the new guy can handle it and come back with a few shots. Be right back.”

 

Jesse went back to the bar and Sally gave Casey a satisfied grin. Casey blushed and held back from arguing because even if she wasn’t exactly stressed out about her show right now, she still really, really needed a drink tonight.

 

So Jesse came back.

 

And they got shitfaced.

 

After a few rounds, Casey could officially say that she had never been this drunk in the middle of the week.

 

The new bartender came by with some new drinks.

 

“So Casey, this is Gustavo, our new guy. Isn’t he just fucking gorgeous?” Jesse said. Casey suspected that he was at least just as drunk as she felt.

 

“Yes. You said the same thing the last three times you introduced him,” Casey said.

 

“Uh, you know, “ Gustavo hesitated. “Gus is fine,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“I’m serious. Have you ever seen a man this beautiful?” Jesse pressed, turning towards Sally, who shook her head enthusiastically.

 

Casey saw Gus smile discreetly, and, was that a blush? Now that was too fucking cute.

 

“You’re too fucking cute,” Casey told Gus.

 

He chuckled and put her drink down in front of her. “Are you sure you guys can handle another round? You all seem pretty hammered already,” Gus said. Casey noticed for the first time that he had a faint Spanish accent.

 

“Nonsense!” Sally shouted. “We’re celebrating!”

 

“Celebrating?” Gus lifted an eyebrow. “I thought you were helping Casey get over her Play Jitters?”

 

“And it worked!” Jesse chanted.

 

“So we’re celebrating!” Sally chanted back, grinning.

 

Casey suddenly felt sick. “Now that you mention it, I think it’s coming back.” She whined, holding her stomach in case all of its content decided to just burst out.

 

“See what you just did?” Jesse said to Gus in a fake disappointed voice. “Now, kid, I don’t pay you to talk. Get back to work.”

 

“You’re not even the one who pays me,” Gus deadpanned.

 

“I’m the boss! I hired you!” Jesse shouted, outraged.

 

“Because you were understaffed.”

 

“No,” Jesse ground out. “I hired you because you’re gorgeous. Now go fetch me another drink.”

 

Gus rolled his eyes and headed back towards the bar.

 

“He really is pretty,” Sally said, resting her chin on her fist thoughtfully. “Is he taken? Did you call dibs on him, Jesse?”

 

Jesse laughed and stretched his arm around Casey’s shoulders. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m already taken.”

 

Sally perked up. “That means he’s fair game!” She said, plucking a cherry in her mouth. Where did she get a cherry? Whose drink was this?

 

“I think he’s gay,” Jesse supplied.

 

“Is that why you’re all over him?” Casey teased.

 

Jesse looked down at her. “I’ll be all over _you_ ,” he said in a deep rumbling voice.

 

“Is that so?” Casey quirked her eyebrow.

 

“Maybe later,” he whispered, bending down to catch her lips. She melted into the kiss. He smelled really good.

 

“Okay. Guys. I’m still here.” Sally interrupted.

 

Casey pushed away from Jesse half-heartedly. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

 

“Well, I feel left out,” Sally pouted in her direction.

 

“We can settle this very easily,” Jesse said. Casey frowned at him. “I don’t mind sharing,” he explained, smirking.

 

Her eyebrows shot up. Oh really…

 

“Just like that? Out of the kindness of your heart?” she asked, knowingly. That was such a typical guy move. He probably wouldn’t be able to handle it if she decided to go through with it.

 

“I admit, it’s a little bit selfish on my part,” Jesse said, and put his hand over his heart.

 

“I really don’t mind,” Sally interjected. She had an eyebrow quirked towards Casey in challenge. The look she gave her reminded Casey of someone else. And she couldn’t resist the challenge in that look.

 

Casey leaned on her elbows over the table. “I bet you don’t.”

 

“You really need to make up for being so rude to me,” Sally said, mirroring Casey’s position over the table and bringing their faces closer.

 

And Casey just… went for it. She pushed herself the rest of the way until her mouth was on Sally’s, her nose bumping into Sally’s cheek with the force of her attack. Sally pressed back and Casey barely registered some whistling coming from the back of the pub before it was over and Sally pulled back, slowly, meeting her eyes. Sally’s green eyes were sparkling and Casey realized that they matched her dress.

 

“Wow,” Jesse breathed. “I didn’t think you would actually do it.”

 

Casey sat up straight. “I’m not a chicken,” she stated proudly.

 

Jesse laughed. “A real champ!”

 

Sally laughed and held up her glass, “To Casey!”

 

“To Casey,” Jesse answered, holding his glass up towards Sally’s.

 

Sally gave Casey a meaningful look, “A real champ,” she said.

 

Casey rolled her eyes for effect then clinked her glass with everyone else’s. They all drank, and Casey gulped down the rest of her glass.

 

“Attagirl!” Jesse whistled.

 

“Ooooh, let’s take a selfie!” Sally exclaimed, taking out her phone and leaning towards the middle of the table. Casey and Jesse joined in, smiling at the camera. Casey knew that she must have looked trashed.

 

Sally sat down, and started typing. “Hashtag: Casey’s a champ!” she said.

 

Casey groaned, “Is that going on instagram?”

 

“I’m just snapchatting it to Derek!”

 

Casey’s eyes grew wide, “Wait!” she protested weakly, as Jesse took his phone out, saying “Oh yeah, I should send one too!” She was whisked into another picture, her smile a thousand times more fake this time. Jesse showed it to her before typing “You’re missing out, bro,” into the picture, then hitting send.

 

“Awww,” Sally cooed on the other side of the table. She was looking at her phone. “They’re watching a movie.”

 

“Who?” Casey wasn’t sure what was going on anymore.

 

“Oh wait, I’ll replay that,” she said, then handed her phone over to Casey. Casey replayed the snap. Derek had sent a picture of him, wearing his ridiculously big glasses, and _Vicki_ , bundled up under… _were they sharing a blanket?_ Was Derek watching a movie and sharing a blanket with _Vicki_? Was her life real right now?

 

Over the picture, he’d written, “Movie night. What’s up?”

 

Jesse laughed beside her. “Look,” he said, and Casey looked up as he leaned over the table to show his phone to Sally, who narrowed her eyes at the picture, apparently having trouble reading the small text, then laughed. Casey never got to see that picture. Jesse held his phone over his head and snapped a picture of himself, throwing a peace sign, typed something up, then put his phone down. Casey looked down at the black screen of Sally’s phone, realizing that she should probably hand it back now.

 

“You know Vicki?” Casey asked Sally as she let go of the phone.

 

 

The last Casey had heard from Vicki, about a year ago, she’d followed her boyfriend, a guy she had just met, to Los Angeles. Casey had tried to tell her that it was irresponsible, but Vicki wouldn’t hear any of it. They had argued, and Vicki went anyway. Casey had no idea how that had worked out.

 

“Oh, yeah,” Sally nodded, “she was with the team in Vancouver this winter. I think she met up with Derek when he was playing in Los Angeles and then she tagged along.”

 

“That sounds like Vicki,” Jesse laughed.

 

“So, what, they just hang out, now?” Casey said. She didn’t know what she sounded like. If she sounded angry or bitter, nobody said anything about it.

 

“You… haven’t been checking his instagram, have you?” Sally said, disbelieving.

 

“I’ve been busy,” Casey defended, but took out her phone anyway. Yes, okay. She’d been avoiding him on all social media. Even before the _realizations_ ™, she’d found that she couldn’t stand to look at pictures of him, just moving on with his life and doing things. Without her. She had allowed herself to not think about it any further.

 

“Even _I_ saw his insta stories,” Jesse said, as if he wasn’t an absolute gossip hound.

 

“I have better things to do than stalk my stupid step-brother on social media!” Casey exclaimed, as she clicked on the icon for instagram on her phone, proceeding to stalk said step-brother on said social media.

 

The last picture he’d posted was a couple of days ago, it showed musicians according their instruments in a crowded living room. She didn’t recognize any of them, but she assumed they were the members of Derek’s band. He’d told her about his band, she remembered at least that. It was captioned with “A little rusty…” She figured they hadn’t been able to practice during hockey season.

 

Casey scrolled through aesthetic shots of beer mugs, coffee cups and empty ice rinks, rolling her eyes internally at how predictable he was. She only paid attention to the pictures Vicki was in.

 

They had coffee just last week; they were both smiling, only half of Derek’s face showing as he took the picture from behind him to show the table with coffees and plates with half-eaten cakes. Vicki was crouched over the table, looking up at the camera through large black sunglasses, throwing up a peace sign. The caption read: “Don’t be mistaken. She’s eating BOTH of these cakes. I’m just here to witness.”

 

There were a few selfies, pictures with the family from the intervention two weeks ago.

 

At the end of April, he’d posted a shot of Vicki laughing. She was standing in a kitchen, trying to twist the cap off of a bottle of wine. “This is _not_ a twist off,” the caption said. Vicki had commented underneath. “Welcome back, big D!”

 

Before that, he’d been jumping from plane to plane, travelling across Canada and the States as he played against different teams every week. Casey saw pictures that she remembered him taking at Christmas. There was even a picture of her, but she kept scrolling, until she found the very first picture with Vicki, captioned “Lost & _found_. @VicToria” It was back in November, he’d even set the location to Los Angeles. Derek was smiling genially, the hand not holding his phone was pointing its thumb at Vicki, as she hugged him, arms tight around his neck, eyes closed and face scrunched up in a pleased smile.

 

Casey couldn’t help the feeling of betrayal. He hadn’t said anything to her about Vicki. Not even at _Christmas_. And he knew what had happened between them, he knew that she was worried about her cousin, lost in Los Angeles somewhere with a guy that she didn’t think was trustworthy.

 

He also knew that Casey and Vicki didn’t get along. He’d known back when they’d organized her aunt’s wedding at their house, and he’d known when Vicki kissed Truman at that party. He _knew_ , and he was supposed to take _her_ side, he was _her_ – step-brother.

 

“Casey?” Jesse’s voice sounded, pulling Casey’s glare away from her phone. “Do you want another drink?”

 

He was leaning back casually, his arm stretched across the seat behind her head. He looked completely unaware of her internal struggles. Casey had been so focused on stalking Derek’s instagram that she hadn’t noticed Jesse and Sally had just carried on their conversation, oblivious to her outrage, like she hadn’t just learned that her step-brother had been fraternizing with her enemy behind her back.

 

“No, thanks,” she said, then looked back down at the wall of images on her phone screen. She had no idea what was going on in his life anymore. Nothing more than what he told her about here and there anyway, which she was realizing now, was virtually nothing. All these thoughts she’d had about them sharing every little personal details of their life, they weren’t true, just delusions. She didn’t know the names of the guys in his band. She didn’t know how much time he spent with Vicki. She didn’t even know where he _lived_. Those were important, basic stuff to know about someone you’re supposed to be close with. As she realized that she really didn’t know anything about Derek at all, she thought that she should be relieved, because she’d been worried over nothing this whole time, but she wasn’t.

 

It hurt.

 

“Yeah, I’m getting tired too,” Sally was saying. “I should probably head back home. Casey, are we still having lunch tomorrow?”

 

“Sure,” Casey answered distantly. She didn’t look up but heard Sally shuffling with her things, dropping her bill into her purse, and the crunching of the seat as she got up.

 

Sally kissed them both on the cheek, kind of sloppily, before waving them goodbye.

 

Jesse’s hand on her shoulder made Casey look up from her phone again. He pulled her at his side and kissed her temple. “Wanna go home?”

 

Casey sighed and turned her phone off. She nodded. She just wanted to sleep now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I've decided that revising is Overrated and everything is Garbage anyway. Honestly I just can't wait to have this chapter out so that I can stop stressing over it and keep writing (yup, this is the last of the pre-written stuff, so from now on I might take longer to update). There is kind of a change in dynamic coming up, and we're going to have so. much. fun. Enjoy, kiddies! :)

It was only the next morning, after she had thrown up, swallowed half a bottle of Tylenols and showered, that Casey started freaking out about The Kiss.

 

It wasn’t so much that she’d kissed _a girl_ (and she liked it). It was that she had kissed _Sally_ , her step-brother’s ex-girlfriend (was that weird?), the closest thing she had to a best friend in NYC, and also the girl she had shared a _moment_ with, earlier that night, when they were at the gallery and Casey had been so overwhelmed that she had _almost_ kissed Sally. And then she’d gotten _drunk_ and _actually_ kissed her.

 

It had been quick, barely a kiss at any rate, just the brush of lips over hers.

 

_Sally’s_ lips.

 

Casey swallowed against her desert dry throat.

 

It wasn’t like the kiss had _meant_ anything. They’d just done it for fun. _Jesse_ had been there. They were all drunk. It was just a thing that happened, probably building up from all that anticipation and lingering feelings from the gallery.

 

From _the_ moment.

 

When she’d watched pictures on a wall and felt like she had been stripped naked and caressed, and had looked at Sally, at Sally’s mouth, and all she’d wanted was to kiss her. She’d wanted to. Their foreheads had touched and _that_ moment, it _had_ meant something.

 

And she couldn’t quite think of the two events as separate. They had kissed, on a whim sure, but only after they’d spent an evening together, letting the tension build, leading up to the inevitable. The events completed each other, like two separate scenes of a movie, each containing important information to understand the other. Or a sequence of pictures that doesn’t make sense when you look at them at random, but in the right order… they _mean_ something.

 

But the kiss itself, when it happened. _Didn’t_.

 

She hadn’t even _felt_ anything when she kissed her. Sally was her friend. It wasn’t like that between them.

 

They cared about each other and they could talk about anything, but that didn’t make it anything more than friendship. And friends sometimes kissed when they were drunk and excited.

 

Really, they were just good friends.

 

**. . .**

 

As it was, Casey _had_ been really busy the whole week. It was all about opening night on Saturday. Final rehearsals, going over the lines that, cough, _some people_ , had most trouble remembering, or running around to find props at the last minute. So after her initial, very brief freak out over The Kiss, she didn’t have the time to obsess over it. She spent the next three days having panic attacks about Saturday night’s representation instead!

 

It wasn’t exactly a disaster. There were only normal, usual set backs that could be expected during a play. Technicalities, like missing set items, actors with stage fright, or _actors forgetting their lines_.

 

Mostly, Casey could handle it. It was just that… Casey wasn’t even _in charge_ of this whole thing, so why did she end up having to _do everything_ herself?

 

In the end, it worked out, because keeping busy kept her from freaking out over other things, and it kept her from stressing over her own performance. She couldn’t be freaking out when half of the other actors were throwing up all over the place.

 

She was helping out the other leading actress when Jesse met her backstage before the show.

 

“You’ve got it, Sylvia,” Casey said as she rubbed the girl’s back soothingly. She was answered by the sound of Sylvia heaving and retching into her bucket.

 

“Is it a bad moment?” Jesse said as he approached. Casey’s head snapped up at the sound of his voice. He was carrying a large bouquet of mixed flowers. She got up excitedly, leaving Sylvia behind to deal with herself.

 

“No!” Casey said, jumping up and down. “Are these for me?” she grinned up at him.

 

“They’re for the lead actress,” Jesse said, looking around a if he was looking for someone. “You haven’t seen her around, have you?”

 

Casey giggled and took the bouquet in her arms, pressing her face into it to smell the flowers. It smelled nice. Freshly cut. It was soothing. She always liked the smell of flowers, it was just like fresh air, something pure that cleared her head and grounded her.

 

“It’s from all of us,” Jesse said, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

 

“Thank you.” She beamed. “I’m glad you could come.”

 

Jesse shrugged. “I’m the boss, I decide when I get the night off.”

 

Casey looked behind him, expecting to see Sally. “Did Sally get here already?”

 

“Yeah, we all came together,” Jesse said, his head nodding towards the curtain, indicating the theatre beyond, “They’re finding us good places to sit.”

 

Casey frowned. “They?”

 

Jesse paused. “Sally and Derek.”

 

Casey’s heart somersaulted in her chest, followed by a triple backflip, and landed dramatically into her throat, like, meters from it’s original starting point.

 

“De-“ Casey took a deep, calming breath. “DEREK IS HERE?!” she shrieked.

 

Jesse leaned down to pick up her bouquet from the floor. “You didn’t know he was going to be here?” he asked, puzzled.

 

“You knew?! Since when?!”

 

“He… told me last week.” Jesse said tentatively, then brushed his hair out of his face. “You didn’t know?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

 

“I thought he already told you,” Jesse shrugged, like it was obvious.

 

“Oh my god,” Casey started hyperventilating.

 

“Casey? It’s just Derek.” Jesse said, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

 

“JUST DEREK?!” She exploded. Just…

 

Just _Derek_.

 

He was here. In the theatre. To watch her play.

 

It was getting hard to breathe.

 

“Woah, Casey, Casey,” Jesse let go of the flowers and lead her to a chair, making her sit down. “Breathe. In and out, like this” he breathed in and out, showing her how it’s done, and she focused on imitating him, evening her breath until she didn’t see the black spots in her vision anymore. “You’ve got it, Casey.”

 

He rubbed his hands up and down her arms soothingly a she kept breathing. He let a minute pass, then asked, “Are you okay?”

 

Casey nodded.

 

“We’re all here to cheer you on,” he said, like that was supposed to make her feel better.

 

Derek was here.

 

She hadn’t talked to him directly in over a week. She’d _avoided_ him for over a week. And the whole time she’d been freaking out about the _reason_ why she avoided him. Until she found out that she had been freaking out for nothing, and proceeded to _not_ freak out about it, because she didn’t have the time.

 

But he was here.

 

She would probably have to _see_ him after the show. Face to face. With their last conversation hanging between them.

 

Why did he have to do this to her right before her show?

 

She let her head fall into her hands.

 

“You’ll do fine, Casey, you’re always great,” Jesse said again.

 

Oh sweet Jesse, who, somehow, thought she was freaking out about her performance. It was _killing_ her.

 

“I know,” she sighed, and looked up at him again.

 

“Okay,” Jesse looked at his watch, “I should let you get ready. Do you need anything?”

 

She shook her head. “Thanks.”

 

He took her face into his hands and kissed her forehead. “Break a leg.”

 

She smiled at him as he turned around and left backstage.

 

Okay. Casey took a deep breath. There wasn’t time to freak out anymore. First, the show had to go on, and then she could worry about how to deal with Derek.

 

Later.

 

**. . .**

 

The show went well, everything going smoothly. Everyone remembered their lines on time and, she thought, they’d put on a great performance. She’d let go of herself for a while, put her energy into acting, and went with the flow. By the end of the play, she’d let the adrenaline wash over her, and she bowed proudly at the clapping audience, before the curtains closed.

 

She was vibrating.

 

Backstage, everyone shared her excitement, high fiving and congratulating and hugging each other. She headed back to her changing room and looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was red. It was a revitalizing blush, creeping from deep down her neckline and splashing all over her face. She couldn’t catch her breath, but she was okay. She couldn’t stop smiling as she wiped away her make up and changed back into her own clothes.

 

When she was done, she checked her phone. Jesse had texted to congratulate her and telling her to meet them outside. The hallways were too jammed to reach her backstage.

 

As the cool night air reached her face, it was like an awakening. She was still high on all the excitement, but the cold shocked her out of her little Play Bubble, and every bit of her woke up to the outside world. She was now ready to face the whole world.

 

She spotted Jesse and grinned at him. He grinned back and opened his arms wide, ready to catch her. She raced to him right away, jumping into his arms, and he spun her around. “You were amazing!” he laughed.

 

Casey just laughed back. It was cathartic. Like she’d finally let go of everything that had been wounding her up into a giant ball of stress and negative emotion. She felt light. She felt amazing.

 

Jesse put her back down on the ground, and then Sally was on her, crushing her into an intense hug. She let it happen.

 

“Casey! You were so good!” Sally squealed, “The whole crowd was cheering, everyone loved it!” Casey giggled, resting her head on Sally’s shoulder as she tightened her arms around her.

 

“Yeah, it wasn’t so bad,” another voice said from behind Sally. Casey opened her eyes and saw him. He had his hands in the pockets of his jeans, standing straight and tall, as he looked down at her, smiling softly, eyes genuine.

 

He approached when Sally let go of her, and he surprised her by leaning down to kiss her cheek lightly. She felt his hand at the small of her back. “Congrats, Space Case,” he whispered in her ear. And she closed her eyes for a second. Just breathed him in. He still smelled of the same cologne.

 

Then he pulled back, and she was looking up at him again. “Derek,” she said evenly. It wasn’t so much an acknowledgment as it was her way of asserting to herself that it was him, that he was there, more than anything else.

 

And here’s the weird thing: time didn’t stop. The world kept moving, and it was okay.

 

Jesse wrapped his arm around her shoulder and exchanged pleasantries with Derek, Sally kept gushing with her about the play, and soon they all headed to the pub to celebrate the aftermath with a few cast members who tagged along.

 

**. . .**

 

The room was loud, people were yelling on top of each other and the music. They’d pushed two tables together to fit everyone. Derek had offered the first couple of rounds, and afterwards they just kept calling Gustavo over for drinks non-stop.

 

“You know, I’ve probably served enough drinks here to give all of you alcohol poisoning,” Gus said under his breath.

 

“What?” Jesse yelled. Casey laughed.

 

Gus just shook his head and went back to the counter with a new round of orders.

 

“I think he likes us,” Jesse told Casey conspiringly.

 

“You keep thinking that,” she said.

 

She heard Derek’s hyena laugh at the other end of the table and looked over. He was slapping his knee, laughing hysterically at something Xavier, the director, was saying. She guessed it was nice that he was blending in so well.

 

Next to him, Sally was deep in conversation with Sylvia. She had that glint in her eye that meant she was passionate about the topic. They were probably talking about the double meaning of the dialogue or something. Sally hadn’t stopped talking about it on their way over.

 

Casey was sitting next to Jesse at one end of the table, in front of Felix, the male lead, and Joanne, one of the extras. Joanne was very good on stage, but she was very shy outside of the theatre. She had barely said a word since they got to the pub.

 

“Say, Felix,” Jesse said, “that was quite the monologue. How did you manage to remember all of it?”

 

Casey slapped his thigh under the table. She almost regretted telling him about Felix’s problem with lines during rehearsals. After all, he’d performed brilliantly tonight. Felix didn’t seem to pick up on Jesse’s teasing, however.

 

“It’s all about technique,” Felix said, pointing his index finger upward, “and discipline,” he finished, raising a second finger in illustration. Casey raised an eyebrow skeptically.

 

“Oh really,” Jesse deadpanned, “tell me more.”

 

Casey could tell that Jesse was making fun of Felix again, and she didn’t think it was fair, considering that the guy had really turned it around. But she didn’t feel like stopping him either. Felix did tend to show off and be overall unpleasant when they ended up hanging out outside of the theatre. So she let Jesse have his fun. Felix wouldn’t notice anyway, too busy boasting off about his _technique_ to pick up on Jesse’s sarcasm, as per usual.

 

She heard Derek laugh again and tried to tune in on his conversation with Xavier. She couldn’t make out what the director was saying, he was generally soft-spoken, so trying to hear him over all the noise was in vain. Derek, though, was as loud as ever.

 

“That is _so_ like her,” he said as his laughter subsided.

 

Like who? Were they talking about her?

 

“She used to do this _all_ the time in high school.”

 

They _were_ talking about her! Derek was getting some embarrassing stories from Xavier, she could just tell, and he would use it against her, like he always did. _Ugh_. Typical.

 

He looked up and caught her glaring. He smirked.

 

“Hey, Case!” he shouted over the din. “Wanna hear a good story?”

 

She narrowed her eyes at him. She was fuming.

 

“I was just going to tell Xavier here about the time you were almost sued for butt damage!”

 

“De-rek! Don’t you think you’re getting a little old for such juvenile behaviour?” she warned. She vaguely noticed that the whole table’s attention was on them now.

 

“Oh, big words!” he drawled.

 

“I swear, Derek, you better not…”

 

“SO, as I was saying,” Derek said, turning towards Xavier, the snickering traitor, “It was Casey’s first day at school and – gyaah!”

 

He’d barely managed to avoid the bread roll flying at his face. He looked back at her incredulously. “Really, Case?”

 

“I told you,” she said menacingly as she pushed herself up to her feet, “you better stop talking right now, or I _swear_! _You_ will be the one with butt damage!”

 

“Oh, you think you scare me,” he said, then his smirk grew into a leer, “Klutzilla.”

 

She lunged at him.

 

She didn’t care that there was a table between them or that she was knocking over glasses. She was going to get to him, and make him _pay_!

 

She had almost reached him when she was held back, strong arms wrapping around her waist and lifting her off the table. “This is not over!” she yelled at Derek as Jesse carried her away. He just laughed at her. “Oh, you – you jerk!” she struggled to free herself but Jesse held on and dragged her out of the bar.

 

He put her down outside the door. She went for his left side.

 

“Woah, no no no,” he said as he caught her again, “not fair, you know that’s my bad side.” She groaned and stopped resisting.

 

“Casey,” he sighed, more exasperated than usual, “what the hell?”

 

“He’s just so _irritating_!”

 

“Yeah, and that means you had to jump on the table and break everything?”

 

Casey huffed and crossed her arms.

 

“Don’t you think it was a _bit_ much?” he asked, holding his thumb and index finger close together.

 

She sighed and dropped her arms. “Maybe…”

 

“Uh-huh,” Jesse said in his best scolding tone. She hated it when he treated her like a child. “You know, I should ban you from the bar for this.”

 

“Jesse,” Casey whined.

 

“But I won’t,” he said, holding his hands up to calm her outburst. “I won’t ban you. If you apologize.”

 

She shifted and looked down at her shoes. “Sorry…”

 

“To Derek.”

 

“What?” her head snapped up again, “Apologize to Derek?”

 

“It’s really not necessary,” Derek said. They both turned towards him. He cleared his throat. “Can I, uh… speak with Casey?”

 

“I dunno,” Jesse said, looking at Casey again. “Am I gonna have to break up another fight, or can I trust you to behave?”

 

“I’ll behave,” Casey said, indignantly.

 

“Okay. Are you feeling ready to go home?” Jesse asked. She nodded. “What do you say if Derek walks you now?”

 

She didn’t say anything and looked at the ground again.

 

“Derek?”

 

“Uh, sure.”

 

“Alright. I’m gonna get your purse, Casey. I’ll be right back.”

 

Jesse patted Derek’s shoulder on his way to the door, then disappeared inside.

 

“I hate it when he treats me like a child,” Casey muttered.

 

“Have you tried not acting like one?” Derek offered.

 

She sighed and looked up at him. “Did you come out here to fight again?”

 

“No,” he agreed. “I, uh…” he started awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry… for acting like a jerk.” He let his hands fall into his pockets as he looked everywhere but at her.

 

“Sally made you come and apologize, didn’t she?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“It’s fine. I… might have overreacted.”

 

Derek laughed. “Might have?”

 

“I thought you didn’t want to fight again,” Casey snapped.

 

“I don’t,” he assured her slowly, “But, uh, that was pretty wild.”

 

Casey crossed her arms and looked away.

 

Derek took a step towards her, and stopped when Jesse came back out, holding her purse.

 

“Are you gonna be okay?” he asked as he handed it to her.

 

“Yes,” she said, and pulled her bag over her shoulder, “Thanks for not banning me from the bar.”

 

Jesse chuckled. Casey pouted. “You know I wouldn’t have.” She kept pouting. “Come here,” he said, pulling her in with one arm. She wrapped her arms around him, accepting the comforting hug. She didn’t like feeling like he was disappointed in her. Even if she deserved it.

 

She caught Derek’s eye over Jesse’s shoulder and he looked away, rolling back on his heels.

 

Jesse let her go. “Now just go home and relax, okay? You did great tonight.”

 

“Thanks,” Casey smiled.

 

Turning to Derek, Jesse warned, “Now, I don’t want to hear that you got Casey into some funny business on your way home, D.”

 

“You got it, bro,” Derek smirked.

 

“You know you’ve got your up-to-something face on, right?”

 

Derek chuckled. “I promise, I’ll behave myself.”

 

“Right,” Jesse said. “I’ll see you later, Case.” Then he got back into the bar again.

 

“So,” Casey said, “what funny business are you planning on getting us into?”

 

Derek grinned. “Well, I was thinking,” he started, rubbing his hands together, “maybe we could rob a bank?” Casey giggled. “Have we tried that already?”

 

She pushed his shoulder. “Dumbass,” she said, and started walking. He fell into step with her easily.

 

“Again, with the name calling,” he sighed dramatically. Her heart did a tiny jump as it recognized the conversation he was referring to.

 

“You deserve it,” she teased, going with the answer she should have given last time.

 

“Maybe,” he shrugged.

 

They walked in silence for a few blocks. It was kind of comfortable, even with all the things they weren’t saying hanging between them heavily.

 

Then Casey spoke. “So, you and Vicki have been hanging out, huh?” she said, forcing her voice to sound even.

 

Derek looked over at her. “Yeah,” was all he said.

 

“It’s funny, because I thought she was still in L.A,” she pushed. She didn’t know what she was trying to get out of him. An explanation? An apology? She wasn’t really looking for anything, she just wanted, _needed_ , to hear him _say_ it.

 

“She moved back to Toronto earlier this year,” he said.

 

Casey couldn’t tell if he was avoiding the subject on purpose or if he was just giving her the answers he thought she wanted, but she had to quell the frustration that was mounting within her, because really, she had no good reason to be upset about this. At least, no reason that she wanted to say out loud.

 

“Sally said that she met her,” she said as casually as she could muster, “she was with you in Vancouver, right?”

 

He eyed her suspiciously. _Damn it_. “Is there something you want to ask me?”

 

“No,” she said defensively, “I was just making conversation.”

 

“It sounded like there was something you wanted to know.”

 

“No,” she denied again. He eyed her skeptically. She sighed. “I just…”

 

“We’re good friends,” he supplied after she’d trailed off.

 

“Friends?” Casey asked. Her voice wavered and she hated it.

 

“Yeah,” he shrugged, unhelpfully. How could he be so aloof about this? Shouldn’t he know that she would hate the thought of them being together? Was he avoiding the subject to protect her feelings or did he just not want to deal with how inconsiderate he’d been?

 

“You’re friends with Vicki?” she questioned.

 

“Yes,” he snapped, obviously getting annoyed with her, “I am friends with Vicki.”

 

“Right,” she said abruptly. She huffed and straightened her purse on her shoulder. “It’s fine, it’s not like you’d even go there again.”

 

Derek didn’t say anything. His silence made her look up at him curiously. He was just staring ahead.

 

“Do you?” she demanded.

 

“Not really,” he said, looking uncomfortable.

 

“Not really? What does that mean?”

 

Derek stopped walking and turned towards her, eyes hard. “Is this an interrogation?”

 

“You wanted me to tell you what’s on my mind,” Casey snapped.

 

“That didn’t mean prying into my private life.”

 

“I thought you said you were just friends.”

 

“We are.”

 

“But you sleep with her.”

 

“Sometimes.”

 

Casey reeled back, feeling like she’d been slapped in the face. She’d had a feeling, but it was something else to hear him say it. She almost regretted pushing the subject.

 

“Is that why you didn’t tell me?” she whispered, suddenly breathless. She blinked fast against the tears that threatened to fall. She wasn’t going to cry.

 

Derek sighed and his voice softened. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

 

“What is there to understand, exactly?”

 

Derek groaned, rubbing his forehead like he was getting a headache. “You’re being so difficult.”

 

“ _I’m_ being difficult?” Casey asked incredulously. He was the one who asked to know what was bothering her, then refused to be forthcoming with his answers!

 

“Yes. Vicki and I are friends. Just let it go,” Derek said, and started walking again.

 

Casey followed, staying quiet for a moment to let the tension dissipate.

 

“You know why I don’t trust Vicki,” she said softly, when they’d calmed down. They were getting close to her place.

 

Derek looked at her, inspecting her face, her clothes. She forced herself not to squirm. He was silent long enough that she thought he wouldn’t say anything. Then he said, just as softly, “I know.”

 

Did he?

 

It was her turn to scrutinize him, analyzing every soft line of his face. Sure, his jaw was more defined now and he’d put on a little weight and muscle with training, but he still had the same delicate features and smooth skin that made him look sweet. Casey knew better, of course, but she couldn’t ignore the way her heart pressed into her chest as she looked at him. Even though his expression was closed off, she saw a flicker of affection in his eyes. A soft light that carried a tiny twinge of guilt and gentle concern with it. He didn’t look away, like he wanted her to see or understand.

 

Yes, he knew.

 

She tried to smile but it made her eyes sting so she dropped her gaze to the ground, slowing down as they neared her building. “Thanks for walking me home.”

 

“Don’t mention it.” He stopped in front of her door.

 

“Do you want to come up? For coffee?” she asked nervously. The thought of being alone with him inside was putting her on edge, but she didn’t want to leave their conversation like this either. They always talked so much but never really said anything.

 

“I should go back,” he said, looking apologetic. “I told Sally I’d go back with her.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Derek sighed. Did he hear the cracking sound in her chest as well?

 

“Is there… something else? On your mind?” he asked gently, openly, like a peace offering.

 

She knew she had to take it while she could. “Are you and Sally…”

 

“Sometimes.”

 

Casey nodded, looking at her hands fidgeting with her keys. “You’re right,” she said. “I don’t understand.”

 

“You don’t need to.”

 

“I want to.”

 

Derek looked back the way they came from, then pushed a hand into his hair. “Look, I’ll, uh… I’m going to be in New York all summer.” That made her look up again. “I didn’t tell you because… well, because you’ve been avoiding me for two weeks.”

 

“You’re staying?”

 

“The band,” he shrugged. “We scheduled a few shows in New York over the summer.”

 

“That’s great.”

 

“Yeah,” he put his hands back in his pockets. “So… I’ll see you, alright?”

 

She nodded, and he nodded back. “Night,” he waved, then turned back.

 

She watched him walk away, watched the tight set of his shoulders under his leather jacket, until he was far enough that she couldn’t see him anymore. Then she turned and went inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I need some help! If anyone wants to suggest names for Derek's band, I would really appreciate it. For now I was going with "Purple Fog" but I'm worried it's too obvious? Please let me know what you think! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, chickens. I've been holding this out from you for like a year... sorry about that. I've been thinking about this fic a lot and I really really want to keep writing it, but I can't make any promises about keeping up posting. Anyways, just more of angsty Casey overthinking everything. There was initially supposed to be a Moana reference in there (I'm sure you'll know where), but it's kind of run out of fashion since Summer 2017, I guess. Enjoy! (P.S. I have no idea why I called you chickens, but I had to.)

Her next shows that week were also a success. Thankfully, being so busy meant that she didn’t see as much of Derek as she had dreaded (nope, she wouldn’t say hoped, because that would be inaccurate and ridiculous.) She also didn’t see much of Sally either, which admittedly saddened her a little. But they were both busy, she figured. And it really couldn’t have anything to do with that stupid auburn haired boy that they both knew… could it?

 

She went a whole week without seeing him.

 

Then one evening, she came home, and there he was, sitting on a stool at the island, wearing that stupid beanie on his head, without a care in the world, while chatting with Jesse who was cooking.

 

He looked up at her from behind those stupid big glasses and smiled that stupid smile and she knew, that her days of peace were over.

 

“What did you do?” she asked evenly.

 

Derek put a hand to his chest and patented an insulted face as he said, “is that any way to greet your dear brother into your home, Case?”

 

“I swear to God, Derek, if you did something…” she warned.

 

Jesse turned around from the stove to face them. “He’s been with me the whole time,” he assured.

 

Derek smiled innocently.

 

“Are you _sure_ you were able to see him the _whole_ time?” Casey insisted, “You didn’t even go to the bathroom? You didn’t take your eyes off him for a second?”

 

“Casey, what damage could he do in one second?”

 

She took on a grave tone, “a lot.”

 

“I’m just here because Jesse invited me over for dinner,” Derek said, putting his hands up in front of him in a warning off gesture. “It was a last minute thing, I wouldn’t have had the time to prepare a prank in so little time,” he tried to convince her. His tone was mocking her.

 

They were so going to regret having him over.

 

“Fine,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him. She swore to herself that she wouldn’t let him out of her sight that night. Derek just rubbed his stubble with a satisfied smile on his face.

 

Oh, they would regret this so much. _She_ was going to regret this.

 

**. . .**

 

The evening was actually surprisingly pleasant. While Derek still insulted her any chance he got, it was kind of tame. Just like… friendly teasing? Pretty much the same kind of insults he traded with Jesse all night.

 

And what was up with that, anyways? Since when were they such good pals? How had she never noticed how great her boyfriend was getting along with her step-brother?

 

It wasn’t that Jesse wasn’t a friendly guy; He could actually make friends very easily. But Derek _wasn’t_ friendly. He was more like an insufferable jerk to everyone he met. He even insulted all of her ex-boyfriends on the grounds that they were going out with her and yet, he had never once said anything bad about Jesse, aside from the occasional jab at his masculinity for dancing ballet. He seemed to genuinely like and want to spend time with Jesse. Like they were friends or something.

 

“So what does Liz and Ed’s place look like?” Jesse asked Derek.

 

Oh, that’s right! She forgot to ask about that. And Lizzie had been so excited to tell Casey about that apartment they found when she told her about it a couple months ago. Casey would have to call Lizzie later.

 

“Surprisingly nice, considering how cheap it is,” Derek said, taking a sip of his beer.

 

“I bet they were excited to finally move out of your parent’s house, right?” Jesse said.

 

“You’re right. It was about time too. I was starting to think they would stay there forever like leeches.”

 

“De-rek,” Casey scolded lightly. “It was smart for them to stay at home while they were still in school.”

 

“We didn’t,” Derek said.

 

“It was different. We didn’t go to a university close enough to stay at home.”

 

“Well, _I_ went to university,” Derek drawled. “You, on the other hand…” Casey rolled her eyes. “Anyways, I know it was a good thing for them,” he continued. “I’m just saying it’s about time they went and enjoyed the real world.”

 

“They’re moving with Edwin’s girlfriend, right?” Jesse asked, subtly moving the conversation away from an argument. Casey knew he’d learned to do that quickly, after a few family gatherings.

 

“Yeah,” Derek answered, moving on easily.

 

“What’s she like?” Casey asked, curious. She hadn’t met Claudia, she’d only heard about her when she was over at the house. And Lizzie had barely said anything about her, just mentioned that she was moving in with them. “Does she get along with Liz?”

 

“Well, yeah,” Derek said, like It was obvious. “You really think Liz would move in with somebody she didn’t like?”

 

“It could have just been about saving money,” she said defensively, winding up for an argument. Derek just shrugged.

 

“There is that,” he admitted. “But they’re actually really close. It’s kinda weird.”

 

“Weird?” Casey asked.

 

“Being best friends with your brother’s girlfriend?” Derek answered dubiously.

 

“I always got along with Sally,” Casey said.

 

“Yeah,” Derek said, and took another sip of his beer. “That was weird too.”

 

Jesse chuckled. “Speaking of Sally,” he interrupted their bickering. “Haven’t seen her around since Casey’s show. How is she?”

 

Derek frowned. “I haven’t seen her either. She just texted to say she was busy with work.”

 

That surprised Casey. She had just assumed that they had been together the whole time. But then again, she knew how the saying went about assuming.

 

“But I thought she was hanging out with you,” Derek said, pointing at her.

 

“Me? Why?” Casey said, startled.

 

“Isn’t she your new bestie?”

 

“Well, yeah, kind of. But we’re not together…” Casey said, then added quickly, “all the time.”

 

Something in Derek’s expression made it seem like he knew more than he should. Could he tell that she had kissed Sally? Had Sally told him?

 

“Has she been texting you?” Jesse asked Casey, holding his beer up to his mouth.

 

“Yeah. But just that she was busy with work, too,” she shrugged. “It’s alright, we all get caught up with work sometimes. Like I was busy with rehearsals last month.”

 

“Not everybody is an overachiever like you,” Derek said, pointing his fork at her.

 

“Maybe she’s just excited about the work she’s doing at the gallery. She couldn’t wait to show me what she was working on when we went to her party last week.”

 

“Oh so she took you,” Derek said casually.

 

“Yeah. So?” Casey said.

 

“Well she didn’t mention it,” Derek shrugged. “It’s cool that you went, though. She tried to downplay it, but I know she was disappointed that I couldn’t go with her.”

 

“You were supposed to go with her?”

 

“Yeah, but I had to stay to help Liz and Ed move out that day because the apartment wasn’t ready when it was supposed to,” Derek said, obviously still annoyed.

 

It kind of hurt Casey a little. She knew that it was kind of irrational, because Sally really liked Casey and she wasn’t just a replacement to her. But she couldn’t help but wonder if Sally would have preferred it if Derek had been with her. He would have easily handled her boss and put Jane back in her place when Casey couldn’t. And maybe Sally and Derek would have had a moment too, in that room, when she showed him the exposition she had laid out.

 

“Anyways,” Derek continued, “it’s better that she took you. You know how I hate those artsy fartsy stuff.”

 

Casey rolled her eyes.

 

Jesse chuckled. “Coming from the guy with the hipster beanie on at the table,” he said, snatching the hat from Derek’s head, revealing his messy mop of hair sticking every which way.

 

Derek laughed and snatched his hat back. “Coming from the guy with the long hair and huge beard.”

 

“You really think my beard is getting huge?” Jesse patted his beard self-consciously. Casey snickered.

 

“Meh,” Derek shrugged. “Goes with the hair.”

 

“Well, _I_ think it looks very nice,” Casey said with a sweet smile, which Jesse returned.

 

Derek gagged audibly. “Please, I’m trying to eat.”

 

Casey gave him a deadpan look. “Oh come on, haven’t you gotten over your whole fear of emotions by now?”

 

“Yeah… I just like to enjoy my meals without nauseating displays.”

 

“Ugh, will you ever grow up?”

 

“Children, please,” Jesse said calmly.

 

“He started it,” Casey muttered, pouting.

 

Derek was unphased. He took another huge bite of mashed potatoes and raised his eyebrows in her direction.

 

“Maybe we should invite Sally over next time,” Jesse suggested. “If only to help me deal with you two.”

 

Casey chose to ignore his last comment. “That’s actually a great idea! She must be feeling lonely if she didn’t see anyone this whole week.”

 

“I have to agree,” Derek said seriously, pushing his glasses up his nose. Casey stared. “What?”

 

“You agree with something I said?” Casey asked.

 

Derek sighed. “I know what happens when Sally gets like this, and if she’s super stressed out, it could be bad. Even worse than you. You’re somehow still functional, even with all your weird issues,” he said, gesturing in her general direction, “but Sally like this…” he trailed off, and took another bite of his meal, and finished his sentence through his mouthful, “she could use some friends to distract her.”

 

“You guys should text her and see what she’s doing next week-end, then,” Jesse said.

 

“Right,” Derek said, still chewing, and took his phone out. “I’ve got a gig on Saturday,” he said, typing away. “It’s late, so you should be done with your show, Case. If you guys would like to come, I could introduce you to the band.”

 

“Sounds good,” Jesse said.

 

“Aren’t you working Saturday?” Casey asked.

 

“Boss, remember?” he smirked.

 

Derek chuckled. “Always knew you were smart, Jess.”

 

“You know I hate it when you call me that, right?” Jesse said in exasperation, like he’d done it a hundred times before. It was the first time Casey heard about this.

 

“What, you don’t like nicknames?”

 

“Isn’t my name short enough?”

 

“It’s got the same amount of letters as mine and you still call me Der.”

 

“Mine is only one syllable. And you like being called Der.”

 

“You call me D.”

 

“Again, you like being called D.”

 

“What about J.?”

 

Jesse winced.

 

“Come on! We could be D. and J.”

 

“Yeah… that’s not…”

 

“Really?”

 

Casey just watched as the conversation devolved into Derek trying to find nicknames for Jesse, forcing herself not to laugh in solidarity with her boyfriend. This was nice.

 

She couldn’t quite put her finger on when it became so easy to talk with Derek. Yes, she’d been freaking out about a couple of texts just a few weeks ago, but this was different. Because they didn’t have the security of written words, it was just them and Jesse and dinner, and it was pleasant. And she thought that maybe they could do this friends thing, after all.

 

**. . .**

 

It was only the next morning, as she was putting on her deodorant and felt her armpits getting disgustingly greasy, that she truly regretted letting her guard down.

 

Because Derek had…

 

She looked down at the stick in her hands with horror.

 

… replaced her deodorant with butter?!?!

 

“Huh,” Jesse said, sniffing her as he came past her in the bedroom. “You smell like popcorn.”

 

She screamed.

 

**. . .**

 

Casey came back from the theatre early that evening, carrying the groceries up the stairs. She’d complained at Jesse about finding an apartment that wasn’t on the fourth floor next time, but really, she kind of enjoyed the exercise. It kept her in shape since she didn’t have the time to work out or dance as much as she used to. Maybe she should ask Sally if she’d like to go jogging in the mornings or something.

 

She succeeded in unlocking the door without dropping the heavy bags in her arms and headed straight for the kitchen. Jesse was already there, washing the dishes like usual. She didn’t tell him enough how much she appreciated that he’d taken on more chores in the apartment this year because she just didn’t have the time.

 

He took a bag from her quickly and set it on the counter. “You should have told me that you were getting groceries, I would have at least helped you carry some up the stairs,” he said, starting to take things out.

 

“It’s fine,” Casey said. “I can handle it. Plus, I wouldn’t have had to struggle with the door if you didn’t lock it while you’re still in.”

 

“You know I don’t trust the guys that live next door,” Jesse said. He took out a pack of vegan sausages from the bag and turned it over in his hands, his face scrunching up in disgust.

 

“I know, I know,” Casey said, and snatched the pack of sausages from his hands. “That’s not for you.”

 

Jesse laughed. “Thank God.”

 

“Although I could have fed them to you in retaliation for inviting Derek over without telling me, yesterday,” she teased as she opened the fridge. “Hand me the cold stuff?”

 

Jesse sighed. “I knew you’d bring that up sooner or later,” he said, handing her the carton of milk.

 

“It’s just…”

 

“I know, he’s always up to something.”

 

“It’s not that,” Casey said, then reconsidered, “okay, it’s mostly about that. But you know I can’t stand being in the same room with him. A little notice would have been nice.”

 

Jesse scourged through the second bag and took out the eggs and cheese slices. “Didn’t you have fun?”

 

“I did before I found out he decided I should change my deodorant,” she muttered.

 

Jesse’s hands came out of the bag empty and he put them in his pockets. “I like Derek,” he stated.

 

“I know you do,” Casey sighed and pushed away from the fridge, closing the door. She looked away from him. She heard him shuffle closer to her.

 

“Plus, he’s family. You’re kind of stuck with him for life, Case,” he said. They’d already had this discussion a million times over. He’d tell her that after all this time, it was about time they set aside their differences and tried to get along. She’d tell him that it just wasn’t how she and Derek worked. And it never went anywhere.

 

“That’s why I’ll have you there to keep me from murdering him, right?” she tried. She looked at him with a soft smile. She saw him recoil almost imperceptibly before he turned back towards the sink. He didn’t say anything.

 

Casey winced as she realized that she’d just hinted at them spending the rest of their life together. She’d been super good at not pressuring him so far. She hadn’t said a word since the last time they’d discussed it.

 

She went to reassure him. “I’m not saying-“

 

“It’s okay,” Jesse interrupted. He had both of his hands in hot water again. He didn’t look up at her, but his expression was a little… guilty? Did he feel bad for taking his time with such a huge decision? Did he think that she was getting tired of waiting for him to make up his mind?

 

He didn’t say anything else. And she didn’t really know what to say next.

 

“You call Lizzie yet?” he said after a while.

 

Casey startled a little as she realized that she hadn’t, the guilt overpowering her confusion over Jesse’s change of subject. She supposed they could have this conversation again another time. She did tell him to take as much time as he needed after all.

 

“Right. I should probably do that.” She smiled and left the kitchen. She called up Lizzie as she headed towards the bedroom.

 

 

“Who is this?” Lizzie asked when she picked up.

 

“Really funny,” Casey deadpanned.

 

Lizzie laughed. “I was expecting your call earlier.”

 

“I’m sorry, Liz. I’ve just got so much on my mind,” Casey whined. She was feeling horrible for not calling earlier. Especially since she’d gotten so good about not making everything about herself over the years.

 

“It’s okay. I figured you’d be distracted,” Lizzie said. Casey could practically hear the sly smile on her sister’s face.

 

“But tell me everything!” Casey said enthusiastically and let herself fall on the bed. “How is it? Do you guys get along? Is there enough hot water for everyone? Do you have enough money for groceries?”

 

“Okay, Casey, chills,” Lizzie chuckled. “I’ll tell you everything. And before you start worrying, we’re not starving.”

 

“Good,” Casey nodded up at the ceiling. She relaxed a little. She couldn’t help but be worried about Lizzie now that she was on her own for the first time. She remembered her first days in her apartment in New York, and she knew it could get hard sometimes. But Lizzie wasn’t alone and she was smart. Casey knew she didn’t have to worry.

 

“So there _is_ enough hot water for everyone,” Lizzie explained. “The rooms are big, so we’re not walking on each other’s feet all the time. Claudia is awesome, and obviously I can handle Edwin. Mostly, it’s just so cool to see something we’ve been talking about for years come true.”

 

“You and Edwin had planned on moving in together for years?”

 

“Well, yeah. Why do you sound surprised?”

 

“I just thought the arrangement was about saving money.”

 

“I mean, we did think about all the upsides of it, but that was always the plan.”

 

“I guess I never realized you guys were so close.”

 

“I mean yeah, he’s annoying, but Edwin’s my best friend.”

 

It wasn’t surprising, but it felt odd to hear. Maybe it was just because she couldn’t quite relate to the feeling. When it came to her step-brothers. Plural.

 

“So is he pranking you yet?” Lizzie asked.

 

“Who?”

 

“Derek. He kept telling us he had tons of new material he couldn’t wait to try out.”

 

That rat. She should have known he had something planned. He’d been acting way too pleased with himself to be innocent.

 

“You want to know what he did to my deodorant?”

 

Lizzie groaned. “Not the butter? He got that idea from Edwin, who got it from a Buzzfeed article and had to text it on me.”

 

“These two just enable each other, don’t they?”

 

“Yeah. At least it got Derek to help out with the boxes.”

 

“I still can’t believe he actually helped.”

 

“I know. I guess he was really proud of Edwin or something.”

 

“Who’s proud of Edwin?” She heard Edwin ask behind Lizzie.

 

“Derek.”

 

Edwin burst out laughing. “Good one, Liz.”

 

Casey smirked.

 

“Is that Casey?” Edwin asked. “Hey Casey!” He shouted.

 

“Ugh! Edwin!” Lizzie yelled back, and Casey heard the telltale rustling of Lizzie shoving Edwin away violently. “You’re so annoying,” she said, at a normal volume this time.

 

Casey couldn’t help the smile on her face. This felt so familiar, it was almost nostalgic. She kind of missed the old days in a crowded house. It was loud and obnoxious and exactly what she pictured when she thought of home.

 

“You guys are adorable,” Casey said.

 

“You mean when we fight like you and Derek?” Lizzie chuckled.

 

“Derek and I don’t fight like that and you know it. It’s more like World War Three than friendly bickering.”

 

“You sure about that?”

 

Casey thought back to their dinner once again. Even though she’d felt tense, winding up for a fight, Derek had never once tried to push her over. Instead, he’d kept the conversation going, even agreed with her. Even when they had gotten close to arguing - _she_ had gotten close to arguing- she had to admit there hadn’t been any venom to it. It had been kind of fun. She remembered thinking that they could be friends that night.

 

Of course he had ruined everything by pranking her, forget everything she’d thought about them getting along like adults.

 

“It’s… it’s different,” was all she found to say.

 

“You’re probably right,” Lizzie said cryptically. Not one ounce of teasing, Just truthful. Like there was a vibe, Casey couldn’t tell why, and Lizzie could know. Know exactly what she’d meant by different. And that was just a little bit scary.

 

“Liz, do you…” Casey said. She looked up at the door, towards the kitchen where Jesse was, and trailed off.

 

“Do I what?”

 

“Nothing. I was just wondering… who got the bigger room?”

 

‘It’s Edwin and Claudia,” Lizzie said knowingly, letting her take the out. “Cuz they’re two, you know.”

 

“That makes sense,” Casey said.

 

She sighed.

 

She wasn’t even ready to admit any of this to herself, let alone having an honest discussion with one of their siblings, while her boyfriend was at hearing range.

 

**. . .**

 

The rest of her week was mostly… uneventful. Theatre work was getting to be just more of the same, and without her new friend to keep her busy in her downtime, Casey found that time was stretching out and the week-end felt like it was months away. She ended up at the bar most evenings, reading in a corner, while Jesse tended the bar.

 

Friday evening was busy, and the noise was keeping her from concentrating on her book, so she’d switched to browsing apps on her phone, checking in on social media. She had a few comments on the picture of her dressing room that she posted on instagram that day. Lizzie was impressed with how much space there was, joking about it being bigger than her and Edwin’s apartment. It made Casey laugh.

 

She noticed that Vicki had left a like on the picture and frowned. She couldn’t remember the last time she or Vicki had liked something from each other. They were mostly friends with each other out of courtesy and barely ever interacted, especially since Vicki had left for L.A..

 

Curiosity got the better of her, and she clicked on the link that lead to Vicki’s profile. It wasn’t exactly what she’d been expecting.

 

As it turned out, Vicki looked like a pretty cool person on social media. There were standard pictures of food (a lot of cheese?), selfies with girlfriends; some that Casey recognized from private school, and videos of Vicki singing. And she posted a lot, too. Casey noticed that the last dozen pictures had all been posted in the past week.

 

It was when she got past the pictures of the last week that Casey realized that stalking her cousin’s account had been a mistake. Because…

 

She hadn’t expected there to be so many pictures of Derek. There weren’t as many as to look obsessive or anything. It was just that, contrary to the very few and mostly casual pictures she had previously seen on Derek’s account, the ones on Vicki’s were much more telling of the kind of relationship the two of them had.

 

They were close.

 

Not even in a suggestive way. And that made it kind of worse, somehow? Because it was one thing to think that Derek liked to hang out with Vicki because she put out. But it was another to think that he actually liked her, as a person, like she had a great personality or something.

 

There were mostly pictures of Vicki and Derek hanging out, dressed up to go out clubbing, clinking their glasses of wine together( _Derek drinks wine_???), with obnoxious captions like “he looks almost as good as me, don’t you think?” or “@realDVent truly GETS me”. Like what was there to _get_?

 

Casey was fuming by the time she got to the _videos_. Videos of Derek driving while Vicki filmed them, singing along to a song playing on the radio. Casey didn’t dare turning the volume on, knowing that if she heard the songs, she would hate them forever.

 

Derek didn’t even _like_ singing.

 

It was like he was a completely different guy around Vicki. A guy who drank wine and sang to corny songs (because they just had to be corny, she could feel it). She got that sense again, that she didn’t know him at all anymore. And what hurt the most was seeing it like this, him, having a little window into the person he’d become, and knowing that she had no part in that. While _Vicki_ brought that out of him and got to see it every day.

 

Vicki got to be his friend. To see Derek in a completely different light than Casey had ever seen him. Than he would _let_ her see him.

 

A glass was set abruptly on the table in front of her, making her jump. She looked up to see Gustavo, the new guy, looking at her with a genuine smile while pushing the glass in front of her. “You look like you could use some liquid comfort,” he said.

 

She looked down at the glass and her vision was a little blurry. She wiped at her eyes. Thank god she hadn’t been crying. “Thanks,” she sniffed, picking up the glass. She took a sip and felt the alcohol burn down her throat. It was scotch.

 

Gustavo looked over the bar where Jesse was chatting with customers, making sure that he had everything under control, and sat down in the booth in front of her. “I know we don’t know each other very well, but… you look like you need to talk.”

 

Casey was a little taken aback by his thoughtfulness. He didn’t strike her as a malicious person, but all she had seen from him had been sarcastic remarks and exasperation. She supposed there had to be something more to him than just that.

 

She shook her head. “It’s okay,” she said with a small smile.

 

He returned the smile timidly. “Is it your brother again?” he asked, pointing at her phone. Casey’s smile dropped as she looked down at the black screen. She set it aside and took another sip of her scotch.

 

“He’s not my brother.”

 

“Oh? I thought…” Gustavo said, looking confused.

 

“He’s my step-brother,” Casey filled in. Because the _step_ made all the difference.

 

“Okay…” he said slowly, assessing. “And what did he do this time? It seems like he likes to bug you.”

 

Casey snorted. “That’s one way of putting it.”

 

“Is he always like that?”

 

“Worse,” she muttered.

 

Gustavo shook his head as he leaned back in his seat. “You shouldn’t let him get to you like that,” he said gently, like he wasn’t blaming her for losing her calm, but genuinely concerned about her well being.

 

That was a change. She’d gotten used to people telling her that she was overreacting over the years. It felt nice to see that someone didn’t think she was crazy. Of course, he didn’t know her or Derek very well. But then again, he’d probably seen her jump on that table in her rage the other night, so he could have drawn completely different conclusions from that alone.

 

“It’s harder than it looks,” she said, slumping in her seat and bravely taking a bigger sip of her drink. It burned her tongue but it settled really well in her stomach. She signed in contentment.

 

“Yeah,” Gustavo said, “I have a brother, too. And he was always calling me names, trying to get a rise out of me, and my family always took his side when I told him off.”

 

Casey chuckled. She could relate to that. In high school, she’d so often felt like it was unfair that Derek could get away with anything, and she still got yelled at for defending herself.

 

“Of course, mine used to beat me up and calling me a fag, but…” Gustavo laughed, “I can still relate.”

 

“That’s horrible!” Casey gasped.

 

“Nah,” Gustavo shrugged, “he’s just my brother. He didn’t know any better. Plus, he’s calmed down over the years.

 

Casey still felt like it was outrageous, that Gustavo’s brother would rough him up for being who he was. But she had seen her fair share of violence between siblings, and most often than not, it was just joking around. Gustavo seemed to take it well, so she didn’t press the issue.

 

“Yeah. Well, it’s different with Derek. I mean, he used to just annoy me for fun,” she said, “but now… I think we just don’t know how to interact with each other otherwise.”

 

It was true. If she didn’t treat him the way she did, then how could she behave around him? How was she supposed to be nice to him, and see him being nice to her, when the sight of his smile made her insides melt. The antipathy was the only way to keep that safe distance between them, keeping them from making what would be the biggest mistake of their lives.

 

But she couldn’t really explain that to Gustavo.

 

“I get the feeling that there’s more to it,” Gustavo said, pseudo suspiciously.

 

Casey laughed. “There might be.”

 

“I suppose I shouldn’t be asking either.”

 

“Well, now, you wouldn’t want to pry, would you?”

 

He smiled mischievously. “Actually, I would,” Gustavo said, then let the smile drop, looking more serious, “but I should go back to work.”

 

“I won’t keep you longer, then. Thanks for the talk,” Casey smiled softly.

 

“You’re welcome,” he said, pushing himself up and walking away.

 

Casey smiled softly, watching Gus walk away an joining Jesse behind the bar. Jesse immediately started shouting orders at him, acting like a tyrant. Gus rolled his eyes and disappeared behind the bar. Jesse looked in Casey’s direction then, pointing in the direction Gustavo had disappeared in with a ‘’can you believe him?’’ face. Casey chuckled. It seemed like Jesse had found a good work partner, which was very welcome since his last couple of employees had been completely unreliable. Maybe it would allow him to slack off a bit. He’d taken on a lot since the owner left on extended vacation.

 

Casey sighed.

 

She looked down at her phone again, knowing the page that would welcome her when she unlocked the screen. It was probably the alcohol exacerbating her annoyance, but she just couldn’t stand to pick up her phone.

 

Why did everything always have to come down to Derek?

 

Why did he even have to come to New York and make it all about him over again?

 

She would ignore it for as long as she could, that was for sure, but deep down -deep deep deep deep deep down!- she knew that she would have to face it and do something about it sooner or later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, I remembered. Anyone watched Being Erica? Remember how Julianne would just call everyone Chicken in a super sweet affectionate way? Yep, that's it.


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